adventures of a psychopathic magnet

moving.

2007-02-24T13:54:00.000-07:00

so yeah. I have a new blog. goddoesnotwanthertolive.vox.com there are robots and awkward moments involved.

Lap dance.

2007-02-14T16:14:00.000-07:00

I want to say thank you to everyone for a great birthday. It won for most embarassing birthday, hands down. I never thought I would get a full scale lap dance by three men in drag (one of which I know is straight) in a fairly public place with my mom and boyfriend watching. All I can say Hazel is paybacks are a bitch. Although one upping that is going to be tricky. So I am open to suggestions.

Uh...Happy Valentines Day...?

2007-02-14T16:03:00.000-07:00

Instead of really paying attention in class today, I decided to take advantage of free wireless. Naturally since I brought something to do my political science professor decided to do something fun to mark this Valentines Day, NAZI PROPOGANDA FILMS! Nothing says love like and authoritarian regime that murdered millions. Now we, or rather he, is talking about people disappearing in Latin America under various dictators. All I can say is $20 says he is single and bitter. Very bitter.

The Serious Post

2006-12-31T12:52:00.000-07:00

Every so often there has to be one.

I wanted to let all 4 of you that read this know (I am in the process of telling everyone else) that I have stopped drinking. (wow, that makes me sound like a recovering alcoholic) I am not saying that I am giving up alcohol for good, but for now and probably awhile I will not be drinking. And if you invite me to say drinking games, a bar, a social mixer, after work cocktails or even a "hey, a couple of us are hanging out having a beer, you should come over" I will not be attending. It's not that I don't love you or that I feel all high and mighty because I am not drinking. It's nothing like that. This is how it was explained to me by the professionals after two incidents where people I knew were having A beer and it resulted in me freaking out, driving home and calling my mom sobbing. "alcohol has become a trigger for you. Your father and brother both have had alcohol related problems (DUI, caught drunk in school, ect) those issues and just the amount they drink have caused problems in your home life (near constant fighting between my dad and brother, my dad moved out when my mom told him that they could only work things out if my dad got help with his own drinking problem ect). Not to mention you and your dad has several friends who have their own alcohol related problems. Instead of being a social norm like it used to, alcohol now brings up all of these negative aspects."
The good news is all of this should eventually work out. In the meantime I have a few requests for you and things I would like you to know. Even though I will proabaly not attend, I don't freak out just hearing there will be alcohol involved, I have worked on that. Please don't do the emotional check up if we are somewhere that people are drinking. I know you mean well and I love you for caring, but that is usually the point where I am no longer able to keep it together. If I want to talk about it or have hit a point that I need to talk about it, I will. If I decide to seclude myself from everyone for awhile, don't feel you need to keep me company. I have no issue being by myself, afterall I do live alone. I have no issue talking about past drunken moments, chances are we have swapped stories in the past few weeks even though I have had no desire to drink in months.
All this being said I need to go buy a giant bottle of french lemonade so i can pop a cork at midnight too. I thank you all for your support and understanding.

I'm That Guy.

2006-12-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

You know how during every blizzard there is that one guy walking around going "what the hell? where did all this come from? why did no one warn me?" even though the weather reports have been screaming that it is going to snow a shit ton for like a week and a half? I'm that guy. I had no idea a giant snowstorm was coming. I heard a few inches possible like monday but not a blizzard...that is until several of my co-workers suckered me into covering their shifts. Yesterday the second co-worker asks if i can cover her 1-6 on thursday, after i agree she thanks me and says "I don't know if I will be able to get out of my house on thursday! They are saying 17 inches or more!" oh you whore! you suckered me out of bed for a blizzard?! The guy at the gas station this morning said now the amount was increased to between 17 and 26 inches!! I left Le Crunk this morning in dress shoes i had packed for work, a medium warmth coat walking into the wind muttering to myself "I did not see this coming! Stupid co-workers! know i don't watch the news and am broke so will take their hours. son of a BITCH!"

My Favorite Yahoo News Headline.

2006-12-14T12:36:00.000-07:00

Russia no longer murders spies: KGB veteran

hear that James Bond?

This Week Blows.

2006-12-02T03:53:00.000-07:00

since monday the following things have happened:

-a really good friend has started a complete manic depressive breakdown, started monday, tonight there were midnight calls to her family because she cut her arm up pretty good, refused to go to a doctor wouldn't call her parents so after some lightning research and several calls i finally got ahold of her folks. she never wants to speak to several of us again because of this.

-my dad moved out of my parents house. It doesn't look like that will be fixed any time soon.

-my car first dumped three inches of snow on me with it's haunted sun roof then broke down in the middle of an intersection.

-i had a giant term paper to write while all of this was going on.

-everyone at work on tuesday saw me cry, plus some random mall employee found me sobbing on a loading dock.

but Will bought me candy. and milk. in a snowstorm. I love him.

Figures.

2006-09-27T22:22:00.000-06:00

So I haven't really been able to breathe very well for the past week and a half, well this morning to add to it I have a cold. So my voice is on the fritz, coughing and no one knows what is happening. Though several coworkers have offered their diagnosis. my favorite:

Eunice: Maybe you have strep
Me: I don't think so. I shared a bed with someone who had strep for 4 days and I didn't get it then.
Eunice: (turning to Hazel) YOU HAD STREP!?
Me: I didn't share a bed with Hazel!
Hazel: *to me* Dude, I told you everyone thought we were gay! *to Eunice* Lauren didn't share a bed with me! Her boyfriend had strep!

The Dalai Lama

2006-09-17T22:53:00.000-06:00

I went to see the Dalai Lama speak today, he is my new hero. Any spiritual leader/head of state that says any of the following things is ok by me.

"lots of people think when they come to see me they will be blessed, or that I have miracle healing powers, that is nonsense. If I had miracle healing powers I would want to use them, my skin is so itchy. But some people brought ointment, so I guess now I have miracle healing powers for that. I am just a regular human being. See? Regular human head. But in the past few years I have started to get white hairs in my eyebrows. 3 or 4 in this one and about the same number in the other, I don't know. This eyebrow points up and this one points down...maybe scientists can explain it."

After his lecture on compasion

"This is not new. If you have heard me talk about this before, I am sorry if I bored you. If you haven't, I hope you continue to think about it and experiment with it in your life. If you don't like what I said, well...just forget about it. It's ok, I leave tomorrow."

During a question and answer period in which questions were submitted via internet

question: As a mother of a 10 month old child, what can i do to raise my child so as to ensure he has compasion and love ect.

"oh! I don't know. hahahaha. In this I have no practical experience. If he was a peaceful loving child i think I would have no problem. If he was always causing trouble...I don't know. I may have to take a stick...next question."

question: What is the single most important thing we can do to create a peaceful world?

"OH! I don't know! hahahahahaha"

We Took A Tiny Roadtrip To A Tiny Town

2006-07-27T23:27:00.000-06:00

We set out to kill some time and ended up with a roadtrip.

We heard the call of the road and had to respond

Arch buckled up for safety

and made a sheild in case of flying debris

Classic roadtrip photo mistake

Everyone enjoyed watching the sunset out the window

Pee break

Soon tiredness hit hard for Lauren...

...and for Arch

Finally Tinytown!

It was a long day

..
it was magical.

Hasselhoff.

2006-07-01T16:15:00.000-06:00

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hee ohh oh the tears are real.

Family Time

2006-07-01T15:45:00.000-06:00

so it has been awhile. sorry about that. I could sit here and write a long entry about all the crazy crap i have been up to, but i would really rather tell you about two of the best things to happen during my family reunion.

At the house we stayed at on martha's vineyard for my family reunion there was a kids library that had childrens books and games. One of the most amazing games EVER was found sitting on it's shelves, Roots. That's right, someone made a game on the mini series Roots. As if that wasn't mind blowing enough we discovered the best (or worst i guess) square on the board, "Slavery. Go Back To Africa." To answer your next two questions, no i did not steal it even though i wanted to because it wouldn't fit in my suitcase.

The second most memorable moment came when 18 of us were sitting at the table for dinner and my (suprisingly not stoned) brother says in a voice loud enough to shush everyone at the table "hey uncle pete! I've got one for you, how do you turn a fox into an elephant? You marry her!" and for about 15 seconds Dave, my cousin Christi and I are the only people who laugh, everyone else looks shocked, angry or bewildered. Eventually a few people begin to nervously chuckle and my dad shoots Dave a look of death and tells him they will talk later.

Is It Thursday Afternoon Yet?

2006-05-10T19:36:00.000-06:00

It's no secret that finals suck ass. But i think this semester they are even worse for me than usual. why? well aside from being tested on everything i did and, as it turns out, did not learn this semester and having to write papers for classes i hate, finals week turns me into an idiot. Take yesterday for example. I woke up and realized that i had no clean clothes...well a pair of knee socks and that was it. I took my soviet final, then studied for french, then gave my two french oral presentations then went to work. While at work i couldn't help but feeling hot, then i thought about it and noticed i had been feeling hot all day. It was then that i discovered i was wearing 3 shirts. go me.
After work i went home and watched the wall for awhile before deciding that i was hungry. So i boiled some water and made some pasta. When the pasta was done i took the pot off the stove and poured it into the cullender i had waiting in the sink. The water fell from the pot at such a speed that it used the slope of the walls and bottom to quickly escape from from the cullender and land on my leg, scalding a large portion of my right thigh as well as a few parts of my shin and foot. It was at this point in the evening i decided, fuck the french final, put on "Garden State" and fell asleep....after putting lots of ointment on my burning leg that is.

Cinco de Mayo

2006-05-07T02:30:00.000-06:00

one baby pool
one case of tequila
4 buckets of margarita mix
3 bottles of margarita mix
4 bags of ice

one fantastic cinco de mayo party.

It Finally Happened.

2006-04-13T15:40:00.000-06:00

I don't know why i didn't post about this sooner, but anyway i am now and that's what counts. About a week or so ago after the An Albotros show Becca, Rose and Nick came over to my parents house which i was housesitting at the time for a few drinks. Around 1am we decide to make the trek up to the Queen. As we were leaving the two guys in front of us suddenly turn around and with a dead serious look on their faces ask "you guys want to start a gang fight?" and proceeds to go West Side Story on our asses. So we start snapping back and Becca (who has reached the dancing state of drunkeness) steps forward for the dance off. The problem comes in that the guy actually starts dancing and that we are buzzed so we just start laughing. I can't believe it. We were challenged to a dance off! And we lost over something as silly as being intoxicated! but next time, next time we will be ready!

So, Argentina huh?

2006-03-27T17:44:00.000-07:00

ok, now that i have had several cups of coffee (which is as good or better than a nap in my opinion) i am ready to share a little more about my trip to Argentina with you all. Although you should probably just read about Jesus Land as that was in fact the best thing in the history of the world.
First I realize that some hairstyles and clothing styles are big in other parts of the world, that to myself and those i associate with love to laugh at. I was overjoyed to see that somewhere in the world parachute pants are making their long awaited come back. And my poor little brain almost exploded when i saw that the popular hairstyle there is a combination of two fun ones, the faux hawk combined with the mullet. Or for the more hardcore, faux hawk, mullet and rat tail all stuck on one skull! Mind blowing i tell you.
next, americans are the sanest drivers in the world. One cab we took across town. we didn't stop at a single red light. the lights were red, we just didn't stop. why would we? we were do 65mph through downtown Buenos Aires and the only time we were in a lane was when we pulled in to the turn lane to cut several other drivers off. Another cab drove on the wrong side of the road, at night with no headlights on, running red lights.
i drank and ate a whole lot.
my St. Patrick's day involved an intimate gathering of 25,000 of my closest Argentinian friends in a 4 block street party.
i don't remember any spanish.
i bought lots of stuff. it was sweet.
I never thought i would see the day where i was getting my dad out of bed every morning because i woke up first and was bored.

so yeah, thats it...for now anyway.

I Went To Jesus Land And You Didn't.

2006-03-27T14:37:00.000-07:00

I am back from Argentina, fresh off the plane actually and in need of a nap, but there is something that i just can't wait to tell you all about. Tierra Santa. It is the most magical place on earth. It makes Casa Bonita look like nothing. We are talking about tghe world's first religious theme park, located in the lovely Buenos Aires Argentina. Just look at it!

beauty. That's what that is. Pure beauty. Ignore the fact that it is at the end of the landing runway, the screaching of the jets overhead can almost be mistaken for heavenly choirs! It is all part of the experience.
My dad and i decided that we really only go into churches when we are in another country, on this trip we hadn't gone to any, but we figured that a trip to the Holy Land would about even it out. In actuality it bumped us down another circle or two in hell. That's right kids. As we waited with the thousand or so other people in line to get in, our excitment and evilness just couldn't be contained. We started thinking about all the different things a religious theme park could offer us! Would St. Peter be waiting at the gate to let us in?! (we were disappointed to find he wasn't! just some guy dressed as a Roman) Would there be a water to wine fountain?! (NO! and i think they are missing a huge oppertunity here.) But the following things were said over the course of the day:
Me: Holy shit! They have a water slide?!
Dad: No way!
Me: I totally want to go to heaven now! Oh wait, the water slide is next store. Nevermind.

Dad: Man, we should have come to this really stoned.
Me: heh. yeah...wait, that wouldn't work. Think of how hard it is not to laugh hysterically now, and all the mad looks we are getting. We would be kicked out in no time.

Me: So you want to hit the bar?
Dad: Yeah, I say this calls for heavy drinking. Do you think they have a Mary Magdalen tent?
Me: God I hope so! I have a whole pocket of 2pesos notes ready to go!
Dad: Did you notice we are the only ones with a beer?
Me: Thats because we are the only ones who think this is funny and have accepted that we are going to hell.
Dad: I'll save you a spot.

Dad: It's a good thing I'm not in college, I would totally be tripping acid right now.

then for 4 solid hours we managed not to get kicked out for laughing and take 32 amazing photos. Here are just a few of my favorites.

that Jesus is 40 feet tall and comes out of a mountian!!

Guys, if you are ever in Argentina, go to Tierra Santa. It is totally worth eternal damnation.

Has The Whole World Gone Mad!?!

2006-03-01T22:13:00.000-07:00

Ok, starting around the time that John and Kris' cat Romeo ran away my whole little world flipped upside down. No one, mainly Hazel and myself, has any idea what is happening around us. Most of the people we know are acting much stranger than usual, bad things are happening, that sense of impending doom we had been feeling for so long is finally turning into something. I feel like Mr. Okada from "The Wind Up Bird Chronical"! Ok, so it isn't that out of hand but if I wake up with a big black mark on my face and feel the need to sit in an empty well i am going to flip shit. Just so you know.

Romeo Ran Away.

2006-02-16T14:05:00.000-07:00

Just a little word of advice, don't get yourself into a position where John Lebel is angry or pissed off at you. It is not fun and will more than likely end with you in the fetal position crying. But if you are lucky you will have really good friends who call you a lot and offer to do nice things in an attempt to make you feel better. Just so you know.
As a result I am done with the whole house sitting thing. for good. I may be a safe house for people but pets hate me.

Hey! Beerman!

2006-02-14T13:31:00.000-07:00

First off, thanks to everyone who took place in my birthday madness. A very special thank you to Becca for driving our drunk asses across town.
Anyway, as most of you know it was my 21 first birthday this weekend, my liver will never be the same again, but for those of you who weren't there or missed a section or two of the festivities here is the basic run down:
On thursday our good buddy John left me the keys to his amazing house as he went galavanting around mexico. By 11pm Arch, Justin, Hazel and I had mixed a martini or two, there was some hair cutting, and sat. tv was being taken full advantage of. Around 3.30am the boys took off and Hazel and I watched some monty python before I took what ended up being a nap at 4.30. At about 5am Ian calls me and I very obviously lie that I was awake and not doing anything. 5.30 he comes over. Movies are watched, tours are given blah blah blah until 10 when it is time to go to the apple store because my computer is dead. Somehow managed to let the guys who work there budge 20 people in line therefore cutting the time I would have to sit there from 4+ hours to around half an hour. Continue my productive streak while having Ian chaufeure (sp?) me around town until we decide that a trip to Demascus was in order. Spend the next 4 hours in a food coma on john's couch.
That night, meet up with Kiyomi and Rachel for a trip to Casa Bonita for a Team Awesome, Magic Cyclops and Hot Roxx show. Find out 4 hours before I am to become legal that casa bonita doesn't card. Why did I not find this out sooner? Anyway, Team Awesome is fun, Hot Roxx sparkled and danced and we laughed and applauded. It was excellent. CLosing time comes and we are magically wisked away to St. Mark's where we meet up with Pat, Becca, Hazel and Nick. Emily proceeds to tell everyone that it is my birthday.
Midnight, I can legally drink! Whoo hoo!! Run next door to the Thin Man where 3 of my bosses are waiting to get me tanked. and they did. It wasn't the beer, it was the shots. Kiyomi and I drunkenly dance in the bathroom, I demand cake and Patrick can't stop winking. 2am comes Becca and Ian pick us up, we drop Hazel off and pick up Nick (a very classy ride indeed! Patrick, Nick and I in the backseat with Kiyomi across our laps. We get to John's, Patrick and i decided to break into the half a cake people had brought me, it tastes like ass but doesn't stop Pat from eating half of it, Kiyomi and i manage to have a rather serious talk during which I told several visitors to fuck off. I discover the amazing shape of my head while on the floor outside the master bedroom. Kiyomi FLIES down the stairs on her stomach. Patrick and Kiyomi attack me, i kick, a lot. Around 4...30...ish we all find places to pass out.
8am, i find myself wandering out from the depths of the basement to watch cartoons and movies and soccer with pat while we wait for everyone to get up.
1pm. St. Marks, beer number one courtesy of Gio. Later that afternoon, Spanky's with Becca and Ian, run into Rocio, beer number 2 and a shot of Jagermeister thanks to the waitress, back to st. mark's coffee, water and a beer thanks to Emily. We have a taste test, the beer she gave me tastes like lychee. Eventually back to john's where there is more drinking, dancing and projector tv fun. I eventually get some rest...though not much.
Once again, thank you all.

Oh That's Not Good.

2006-02-01T03:24:00.000-07:00

A new first for me, I slept through my alarm. Not, I woke up and couldn't figure out what that beeping noise was, not it took a minute or two for me to wake up when it went off, but completely slept through it. Instead of waking up at 8.45am like I was supposed to, I woke up at 3pm, half an hour after my last class of the day started. That is rather impressive. I woke up, looked at the clock and very slowly realized (after testing that the alarm was working and such) what had happened, put on Rocky and Bullwinkle and propmtly went back to sleep for another hour. Apparently I needed to sleep, I am now caught up for the week and am looking forward to a few very late nights. All I can say is, thank god I didn't have to work today, I would have been so fucked.

Psychopathic Magnet Claims Another

2006-01-25T19:51:00.000-07:00

I was just masterbated at. Thats right, masterbated at.
I was on the bus on the way home from campus heading up 17th in downtown when the bus made a routine stop (they do that). I look out the window and there is a guy standing there he gives me the what's up/how you doin' head bob then reaches into his pants pulls out his penis and starts masterbating. while still watching me. At this point i look away in shock, and lets not lie disgust. In my mind i am thinking "did that really just happen?" As the bus starts to move i look back still not entirely sure of what was going on and see that yes, the man is infact masterbating. In fact he is now trying to run down the street along side the bus while masterbating and with his free hand waving at me. Thus proving once and for all that the crazies love me and that this blog is appropriatly named.

added later:
about half an hour after sending becca a text message saying "I was just masterbated at by a guy at a bus stop! and then he waved!! ahh!!!" I received the following response: "On second thought, wouldn't most people masterbate with the same hand they wave with? he sounds ambidextrous." you know, i hadn't thought about that, but i suppose she is right.

Where Did It Go?

2006-01-22T09:28:00.000-07:00

guys. my hair is seriously gone. this is the shortest it has been since i was a baby. the back of it shorter than my brothers hair. damn.

that looks way longer than it feels, let me tell you.

No King Kong

2006-01-04T14:14:00.000-07:00

I went with Hazel, Gabe and Nick to see the new King Kong last night and as I told Miss Rachel, came out of it thinking "fuck Peter Jackson." There is a certian skill to editing and knowing when to let certian things go, he does not have it.
Anyway, the best was actually after the movie when we went back to St. Mark's to pick up Hazel's scooter. After having sat through such a looooong movie she ran into the Thin Man next door to use the bathroom. When she came out she ran into Tyron, the awesome gay barista from next door and the following conversation took place:
Hazel:sorry, i know you are closing, i just needed to use the bathroom. i just saw king kong
Tyron: was it any good? was the leading lady annoying?
H: a little. not too painful though
T: how about the lead guy, did he run around without a shirt?
H: adrian brody? not really, he ran down a hallway
T: lame. was there any sex?
H: nope.
T: did King Kong have a huge penis?
H: NO! There wasn't one there!
T: What?! I'm sorry no ding dong no king kong

Is Nothing Sacred?!

2005-12-21T13:40:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to make up for all those times that she reposted one of my blog entries, I decided to repost one of Kiyomi's...a few days late. Turns out I am really lazy. So here is her retelling of the eventful evening at rhinoceropolis last...uh...friday? saturday? i dont know. one of those days. Anyway, here you go.

okay what the fuck people. seriously, what. the. fuck.

last night's show at rhinoceropolis spun wildly out of control which was just not okay.

lets set this up:

rhinoceropolis is this venue/gallery space which also houses several people from that following. the front part is the gallery and venue space, go through a narrow hallway past the bathroom and you are in the living space. which was built by these kids and is awesome with it's living pods and rooftop life living rooms. the art is great, the seating is functional, and the atmosphere is usually just an over all chill. the guys who run the joint are just really cool guys and its just a great space to meet awesome people and expose yourself to new music.

the show last night was to benefit Breakdown Books, a community space that recently had to shut it's doors due to increasing debt. Breakdown was fucking sweet. it was my favourite place to go to when i was in high school and i still continued to visit for it's various shows and bike in movies. it was just a warm and accepting place that broke my heart when it closed. so this show was a big deal for them to help them out a bit.

everything started out awesome- i finally got to see pictureplane's set which was amazing by the way, and i got to meet quite a few new people. one was our new mascot, an adorable boy who was blasted out of his mind and greeted people by gently stroking their faces "face off" style. ellen williams even showed up who i havent seen in years and is just as pretty as a peach. but then lauren and i noticed super crazy drunk guy, who we've been to a party with. at one point during that party he had jumped a fence with a butcher knife, cut down a windsock and broke the fence trying to get back over it. needless to say he scares the bejesus out of us. during a set he comes over and grabs lauren and drags her over to a bunch of guys. he tries to convince everyone of how he knows lauren and then says "of course i know her, i've tried to rape her a couple times" wtf!!! at that point i see nick II is near by grab lauren's hand, grab nick II's arm and drag us into his conversation. we find hazel and nick and tell them what’s up. hazel's way of handling the situation is yelling "KAKAW KAKAW" every time he enters the back room. it's fucking hilarious. but then super drunk kid starts getting frisky with random girls. he corners super adorable kara of teamawesome and tells her how sexy her earmuffs are making her giggle nervously and try to twist away. her band mates, being dense boys, do not see the problem so we grab kara and pull her into our circle to protect her from further gropings. kara no longer being a target, super drunk guy practically lays on top of some girl who's on the phone. i think that she knows him but stand guard in case something happens. she's a big girl and doesnt put up with his shit and just leaves. later hazel comes up to us and tells us that super drunk guy just rubbed his crotch into her ass and that was not okay. Me, im starting to get nervous. while talking to some other kids a commotion starts not to far from where we're standing. super drunk guy has started randomly punching some kid in the head. this does not sit well with the kids that live here and super drunk guy is tackled and pushed out of the room. nick b. got all commando security guardish and puts super drunk guy into a headlock and throws him out of the venue. everyone is a little shaken but mostly confused about what just happened. we all think its over and try to relax and enjoy the next set.

while sitting in the gallery area i notice a small girl getting in the face of a kid who actually came with super drunk guy. he said something to piss her off. nick II seeing things are getting out of hand tries to pull the guy back, then the guy takes a swing at nickII punching him in the face!! hell breaks lose again and i almost get hit. i run outside to get nick b. but when i get outside i see that super drunk kid hasn't left and there are two fights raging out there. i try to get back in but alexis peeks through and the fight inside is right by the door so she slams the door close. i start freaking out. im not very good in public places as it is and this was really starting to make the crazy blood flow. somehow i get nick b. inside and that fight whirls by me to the outdoors and into the street. im totally freaking at this point and just scream up the stairs "HAZEL, LAUREN, GET YOUR SHIT WE'RE GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" i must of been loud because in a second they come flying down the stairs and we're crossing the street. nick is still tangled in the three other fights and im screaming for him too. we get into lauren's car and i have cover my ears and put my head between my legs before i pass out, throw up, or start whimpering uncontrollably. after a few minutes of smoking and me freaking out, hazel and nick head back towards rhinoceropolis to see if things have calmed down. lauren and i of course follow.

inside, they're setting up for the next set and groups of people franticly discuss what happened. i was stupid to go back in. i really need to get on medication for my anxiety. its really weird. it's like being lost in a blanket of noise, you cant hear anything. well actually i can hear everything. like i can hear everyone's separate conversation but since everyone's talking their voices start layering and im unable to filter through the noise to focus on one sound. this is something that is progressively getting worse. and is really starting to scare the crap out of me. i practically tore my scarf apart until nick b. noticed and just held me until i found myself again. it was fucking crazy.

but the show must go on and i wandered around making sure everyone involved was okay. nick b. and the housemates talked to the cops and hazel went around apologizing and fixing things up. in the end teamawesome went on and i danced around. we didn't stay through the last set. i realized that super drunk guy knew where the Château was and probably knew that they were having a party there last night too. i got nervous again because i couldn’t call birdy to warn her what was up. so lauren being such a wonderful friend agrees to drive down there so we can check on them. we're all pretty wound up and relived to see that super drunk kid has not made an appearance, but there are a bunch of high school kids there that birdy doesnt know. they start being loud and we start getting nervous. eventually birdy's brother comes over to get them to shut up and birdy just goes over and kicks them out. the kids feel that this is a personal attack on them because they're from aurora. how the fuck would we know that? they yell shit but but dont start anything. nick b. follows them outside to make sure they leave peacefully and we start to say goodbye.

all in all the evening was fucked up but still pretty awesome. i got to hang out with a bunch of old friends and catch up with lots of people. i listened to some kick ass bands play and met some new kids to swap stories with. i'm just pissed that this guy could fuck up something as awesome as rhinoceropolis and disrespect the guys that lived there and breakdown that much. it was totally not fucking okay. people need to grow up and learn to control themselves. everything is not about them, some people just want to hangout. so kids the lesson is, dont fuck yourself up, sexually harass random girls, and start fights with super chill people. it's just not kosher.

quotes for the evening:

"im going to go cuddle with my girlfriend because i just got punched in the face! i havent been in a fight since seventh grade and i just got punched in the face!"

"Oh my god i love this song! (pushes lauren and i into the gallery) KAKAW KAKAW!"

Word of Advice

2005-12-11T02:21:00.000-07:00

Don't agree to hang out with your younger sibling for 2 weeks while your parents are out of town. Espcially if you hate teenagers. It will only end in hate and anger.

Lauren, there are idiots on line 1 and 2 for you

2005-11-29T16:10:00.000-07:00

Sunday at work i got to deal with all the fun people on the phone. First there was the nice lady at DHL. When we have a big pick up we are supposed to call in a warning so that the delivery guy has room on his truck and brings his little cart and all that fun stuff. So I call it in and the conversation very quickly turned into a scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. All she needed to do was contact the guy and tell him. 15minutes later I am still on the phone. "no, i don't need to schedule a pick up, we are a regular pick up. The guy comes everyday between 3.30 and 4. His name is Brandon, average height, bit of a smart ass. I need you to send him a message that we have a big pick up." "so you want a 4pm pick up?" "no. we have a pick up. as i said it happens at the same time everyday. but tomorrow we have a big pick up." "does the delivery guy know this?" "thats what i need you to relate to him." "look, just stay here and make sure he doesn't leave this room until i come and get him" "ok, make sure he doesn't leave until you or anyone else comes to get him"
The other fun one involved a muff.
Me: Ann Taylor Cherry Creek this is Lauren
Lady: I was wondering if you could put a muff on hold for me
M: We actually don't carry muffs
L: yes you do.
M: um...no...
L: yes, they are on sale for like $29.99
M: no, we don't have any
L: I'm sure you do. You have them!
M: no, we don't
L: do you know what a muff is?
M: yes, i had a bright pink one that matched my pink faux fur coat when i was 4.
L: so you know you put your hands in it to keep them warm.
M: yes. but we still don't have them.
L: well a woman on south broadway told me you did and that they were on sale!
M: well...we don't.
L: but she said you did!
M: nope.
L: are you sure? how can you be sure you don't?
M: well, I am incharge of stock so i unpack every item in the store. we don't have any.
L: ...maybe she said Loft had them. Does the Ann Taylor Loft store have them?
M: no idea.

And today while on the phone with our big carrier trying to find out if our shipment would be arriving or not:
"oh, well if they didn't deliver it yesterday because of the blizzard, i bet weather is the reason it's not there yet." yes thank you for that. Did you think of that all by yourself?

people are amazing

This Is A Safe Place.

2005-11-07T19:10:00.000-07:00

Why I love the people I work with.
Hazel: Did we ever decide if Sergio is gay or not?
Opal: oh, he's gay. I just don't think he knows it yet.
Hazel: yeah but he is in love with Lauren...
Opal: Yeah, but Lauren has one of those safe trusting faces. She's a safehouse!

what?

Moving Day

2005-11-01T22:07:00.000-07:00

Today i moved into my new apartment. It's so cute. I'm not going to lie, a few chairs would go a long way and a rug would really tie the room together, but that is for another day. Right now I am still playing with the awesome old school milk delivery cubby, and everyone in the neighborhoods wireless internet connection (in the words of the Onion "Sucker next door actually paying for wireless internet"). Everything is unpacked and looking good. I even managed to find the time to vote, go to school and make a trip out to target, where i managed to control myself...more or less.
As if all that wasn't enough, I opened an email from a friend of my family tonight to find an offer of a free coat. A free bad ass coat!

check that baby out! damn!

But Its Better For The Flow...

2005-10-30T22:30:00.000-07:00

I am moving into my new apartment on tuesday, so i thought it would be a good idea to start packing. i know, crazy right. Well the problem with packing is that my room is really small. I knew it was small before but damn. Once I get a box set up (great thing about working in a stockroom, boxes galore!) there is very little room for me to get around the box and then when it is full, no place to put it so that it isn't blocking a door or drawer or something and thus preventing any further packing. It's really messing with the flow as well as my productivity. I think I am just going to make a fort around my bed and declare war on anyone who dares to enter my room.

New Neighbors

2005-10-28T14:31:00.000-06:00

Dave upon seeing the new people moving in across the street:
"Holla! The new neighbor is hot! Desperate Housewives comes to Denver!"

The Leader

2005-10-22T18:28:00.000-06:00

people are crazy. But here is a crazy religion that i hope will stand out against all the other crazy religions of today.

The California Raisins!

2005-10-22T10:53:00.000-06:00

We are watching a video about the use of images, mainly those used by the media ro sell us stuff, well the video was made circa 1990. So the ads used, the tv footage used and the fashion statements are awesome! The music videos are my favorite.

added later: oh yeah. they referenced the "last presidential election" it was between Bush Sr. and Dukakis (sp?).

Core Comp 2030

2005-10-22T10:18:00.000-06:00

The thing about weekend classes...they are so damn long! I am only an hour and 20 minutes in and am losing my god damn mind. It's a writing class, we don't really do anything. My professor sounds like the teenage kid that works at Krusty Burger in the Simpsons (which is funny for the first hour of the first day, but after that, not so much.) He likes to go off on tangents which may be the only way I survive this class.
Only 3 and a little over 3/4 sessions to go.

I Did Not See That Coming

2005-10-14T00:51:00.000-06:00

itunes has this new feature where, based on things you've bought, it reccomends albums and songs to you personally. When you pull up this feature you have several options, "Already Own It" "Don't Like It" or listen to the album. I clicked that I already owned Bright Eyes "Letting Off The Happiness" a few pages later I got this "You own 'Letting off the Happiness' we reccomend: 'Just don't give a F*@!...' by Eminem" I must say, I would have never thought my Bright Eyes collection would yeild me an Eminem reccomendation without there being some variation of the phrase "your music is crap, you should listen to this. They're my favorite" attached to it.

In The Navy.

2005-10-13T20:33:00.000-06:00

Curious Coffee is in the base of an office building. In the building the Army, Navy and Marines all have offices. A few weeks ago my one co-worker forgot here CC shirt so was wearing a free shirt the Marines had given her. One of the Sargents in the Army saw it and started giving her a hard time. Naturally she fought back with "well you don't care about us! You never bring us anything!" Ten minutes later he returned with an armload of "Army of One" shirts, threw them on the counter and casually said "You don't know where these came from."
At that point we decided to pit the Army, Navy and Marines against each other and see how much free stuff we could get out of the deal. So the Army has given me a shirt. The Marines, the are just damn polite. I was taking out the trash like 2 weeks ago, as I walked back to the coffee shop two Marines were walking behind me, when we got close to the door they both jumped in front of me, each grabbed a door and stood at attention. Damn.
The Navy, the navy is in a league of their own. (HA! fuck that was funny. sorry.) One day they brought down two bags full of stuff for us. Flashlights, 4 different kinds of pen, sun glasses, coffee mugs, pins, mini footballs. About five of each item...with the exception of the flashlights. Of those there were only two, one of which I promptly stole. Well the same co-worker who had given the Army crap took the opertunity to give the Navy a hard time. A day later she goes outside to talk to one of the sailors on their cigarette break about our lack of flashlights. 20 min. later Carl (one of the nicest guys EVER!) comes down with a bunch of flashlights "You just had to have them didn't you? Why didn't you ask me? I would have gotten them for you. But you had to go yell at the commanding officer! He came back from his break yelling that the girls in the coffee shop want keychains. Well the keychains were locked in ---(I don't remember the guys name) office. He has the key and is out of town. He made us search the office for flashlights for you guys!" Those Navy boys, going above and beyond the call of duty.
Today is apparently the Navy's 230th birthday, so Carl brought us cake!

I'm Amazing

2005-10-13T10:16:00.000-06:00

It's amazing what you can do in a week. This week I signed the lease for an apartment, officially declared my major with the university, was informed by Opal that she wants to quit and that would mean full time for me at Ann Taylor and would allow me to leave Curious Coffee, I actually did my homework, for both classes! (ok, so most of "Things Fall Apart" was read on Pinkmonkey.com, you can't win 'em all) and finally got around to finishing all the bank account nonsense my grandmother sent me in like July.

The Place of the Nude in Art

2005-10-09T10:02:00.000-06:00

Get naked, see art for free in Vienna.
Full Text: COPYRIGHT 2005 United Press International

VIENNA, July 31 (UPI) -- A Vienna art gallery says there's no trick up their sleeves -- come nude to the Leopold Museum's new exhibit and get in for free.

The deal marks the opening of The Naked Truth, an exhibit of early 20th century erotic art.

The works created a stir when they first came out and the art gallery is hoping to recreate a controversy.

that is just one reason i love vienna.

pay attention

2005-10-08T10:50:00.000-06:00

good lord kids. I am in class right now and bored out of my damn mind. Weekend classes=bad idea. I will say this. They lend you a laptop and an internet connection and trust you to pay attention. i think thats funny. Class started at 9. It's 10.53. The number of people i can see that are on myspace right now, 5. The number of people I have found in this class while browsing myspce profiles that are curently logged on, 7.

Litebrite!

2005-10-04T00:37:00.000-06:00

holy crap guys! I was on one of my midnight runs to queen soopers when i discovered something amazing! Litebrite pumpkin kit! Thats right, its a little light you put in the bottom of your pumpkin (which apparently changes colors. how exciting!) and a bunch of little plastic pegs to decorate with. Why am I just finding out about this now?

Tears of a Clown

2005-09-25T00:23:00.000-06:00

Dave's tactics for trying to get me to make him food in the middle of the night while he is stoned are hilarious. First there was the infamous "but I'm your baby bwudda." tonight: "but I make you laugh Lauren! I make you laugh. Let me ask you something, are the tears of a clown free? Are they? Are they free lauren?"

Go Ann Taylor Stock Team!

2005-09-21T13:13:00.000-06:00

I was scheduled to work from 8-1 at AT this morning, Opal from 1-10. We gave a whole new meaning to the term "tag team" when she showed up for her shift wearing the exact same thing that I was. Note this was not a stock day.

The Internet Hard At Work

2005-09-18T23:51:00.000-06:00

So friday night i went and had a grand old time at Rhinoceropolis and managed to make it home before dawns early light. go team. Saturday I woke up at the crack of noon (oh my god it was glorious!) not yet ready to eat, i grabbed my computer and decided to check my email. Now about 6 months ago I posted a short story called "Picking My Nose and Finding a Submarine" that i was doing a presentation on for my creative writing class. When I opened my email on Sat. it said that I had a new comment on my blog from a J. Marcus Weekley, as well as an email. Either because I just woke up, or because I am...well, me, I sat there looking at my computer screen thinking "where do I know that name?" for a good minute and a half. The easy thing to do would be to open the emails and see if it contained any clues, or even better, read the subject line that said "Picking My Nose and Finding a Submarine" and put two and two together. Either way. But no, it very slowly clicked that I had just received an email from the author of the story. (Marcus, I hope you google your name again, it's always nice to find that someone is writing about you...or very creepy.) This makes the second time in the past month that I have heard of someone finding my blog like this. Last time it was Willie telling me that his boss pulled him aside with a printed version of one of my entries concerning Chedd's Gourmet Grilled Cheese. mmm....grilled cheese.

Pointless Entry

2005-09-15T01:35:00.000-06:00

I started writing this whole big entry about what is going on with me, all the crap I usually don't talk about and or don't know how to express, but then I read it. I decided that i would much rather sit down and actually talk to someone than have you all sit and your computer screens while killing time between classes or work eating coco crispies or whatever reading about what a nut job I am. But alas, it is 2am and you kids are all asleep.

today.

2005-09-11T00:11:00.000-06:00

This morning started with me killing my already injured finger. After my alarm went off I rolled across my bed to close my window, my broken window. Where as most windows when you open them stay open, mine doesn't...unless it has been raining or opened past a certian point, so it is proped open by an Aladdin cup with glitter and floating lamps and shit in it. I remove the cup holding my index finger out (because when you have a band aid on your finger, you suddenly can't use it) only to have the window SLAM down onto my finger. Now being as ghetto as my window is, it naturally doesn't have a handle on it. That means that half my finger is stuck in it, there is no handle and the way I am sprawled across my bed doesn't allow me to stand up without causing myself a whole lot more pain and suffering, that leaves me insanly clawing the quarter inch or so crack of space that is open at the bottom trying to free myself. After what seems like hours, i finally free myself. Afterward I go on to break a shoelace and storm up to meet Hazel at Safeway at 7.30 bitching about the world.
8am. Work. I eat more than my fair share of candy today. So much candy! and cheesecake! I don't know who it was, but someone brought in cheesecake! Opal keeps me entertained through out the day by telling me about this russian guy who hit on her and now she kind of likes. He is 10 years older than her, was a professional ballerina from the age of 8 and swears more than she does which she sees as a perk. She also tried throwing candy in the air and catching it in her mouth while standing behind our manager, described the flower that used to be on the side of her shirt as "like, a little fucking secret garden. Who the hell wears a secret garden on their shirt?!" Got into a debate with me over the lyrics to the song that was playing in the store while we were ringing people up, "i'm telling you, it's 'whose fooling who' " "how did you go from 'oh domi vous' to 'I'm telling you' to 'whose fooling who' in such a short amount of time?" While restocking the nylons inquired "can't we just pay someone to do this for us?" "you know Opal, I haven't been working here as long as you have so I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure thats what they pay us for." And when our conversation about who knows what was interrupted by a manager asking us to go fix different areas she suggested we break out the walkie talkies so we could continue our conversation, which would have been interesting since last time she was given a walkie talkie for something she was seen yelling "breaker breaker nine!" into it in the back room.
After leaving AT at 5 I went and saw Hazel at her other place of buisness. Watched as she steadily got busier and busier and got dangerously close to the breaking point. At one point, I thpught she was going to cry. Willie and I helped her close up when the time came because we are awesome like that. Then all went for a quick cup of coffee before home.

Your Memorable Voice

2005-09-05T22:40:00.000-06:00

At times I feel like I am Ron Livingston's character in "Office Space." Between my 2 jobs I have like 7 bosses. The good thing is I like most of them. Sure Steve should not be incharge of the schedules, but other than that, they are good.
Every weekend I call my boss Debra at Curious Coffee and tell her when I can work based on my Ann Taylor schedule. Every week. My CC schedule is very rarely figured out in one phone call. Sometimes it takes three calls, on occasion, four. We have spent a considerable amount of time on the phone with one another. For the first minute or so of these phone calls, Debra has no idea who she is talking to. I can understand not knowing who you are talking to when they call you, but we have had the following conversation several times:
Me: Hello?
Debra: Hi, this is Debra
M: Hey, how are you?
D: fine...who is this?
M: *thinking* ...but...you called me
M: this is Lauren
D: oh hi. *still has no idea who she is talking to* um...how are you doing?
eventually she figures it out, but it takes a moment. I can't imagine what she is going to be like when she's old.

That Worked Out Well

2005-08-31T11:10:00.000-06:00

So I got off work at noon yesterday and basically cruised around town having fun with Hazel. We had Boba tea, Noodles, two trips to St. Mark's to bug Michel. It was good. Then the grand debate came. To go to class or not. See Nick and Chuck aka Transistor Radio Sound (also known as two of the cutest people ever) were playing a show at the Breakdown at about 5.30, our classes started at 5.30. WHY GOD WHY?!?!? Well feeling bad that we had infact ditched our first class of the semester in favor of going to a show we grudgingly went to class. When we met up after class we set off for st. mark's to meet Nick...nick one that is. Well on the way we decided to swing past the Breakdown, as luck would have it the show started about an hour and a half late so we managed to see most of their set! Go us! Unfortunatly the very audible rumbling in our tummys kept us from staying for Bad Weather California.

You Picked The Wrong Week.

2005-08-27T04:22:00.000-06:00

This week I have gone from annoyed to irritated to frustrated to angry to livid when it comes to people. It has been a bad week. I am more stressed out and anxious now than I have ever been. Friday night i swept though all these stages in rapid fire several times. I need to have a serious talk with someone that i wanted to get out of the way this evening but that was unfortunatly delayed. We all know that i don't do well with confrontation, unless things turn around real fast, that may be a thing of the past.
My parents decided to go camping leaving Dave and I on our own. Now Dave and I had decided some time back that the first rule of being left home alone would be NO PARTIES! (You can probably see where this is going) When i got home from work i lounged in my room for awhile. Dave told me a few of his friends were going to come over for a little while. No problem, he has done this before. Three or four of them hang out, get stoned and play video games.
About an hour after they arrive my phone rings, it's Dave. He's at Wendy's. Just wanted to let me know that some of his friends were hanging out at the house still. From the living room I can hear the sounds of them beating one another with our inflatable guitar birthday cards, i see this as the perfect opertunity to take my plate into the kitchen. I very casually walk out of my room and through the dinning room to the kitchen where I proceed to dump the remainder of my soda in the sink, rinse my plate and put it in the dishwasher. As soon as I appeared all 5 (5!!) of them froze and lunged for seats, wildly watching my every move as though i were going to attack at any second.
When I returned from St. Marks at midnight I walk through the backyard to find that instead of the 5 teenagers that had been there when i left, there are now only 3. The relief of seeing this doesn't last long however. I walk into my kitchen to find a pile of weed sitting on the kitchen counter next to a large box of Keystone Light and half empty glasses of whiskey. Half an hour later, in need of cheering up, Hazel and I take a trip to Queen Supers and talk to Scotty. In the half hour I was gone the teenagers multiplied, there are now between 15 and 20. Beer bottles and cans cover the coffee table and counters, more pipes have appeared and for some reason there are bathroom towels thrown everywhere. Listening to them, I remember exactly why I hated high school. Hazel was nice enough to hang out with me as I ushered Dave into getting his friends to leave (a few minutes later I was informed that they would all be staying the night) and then as they began the "clean up." At around 3.30 or so when they were all staking their claims as to where they would be sleeping and generally being annoying high school kids, I went to walk Hazel out. She soon found herself alone in the kitchen as she heard me yell at them "If you are staying here, you need to shut up." At which point one girl made a loud whiny comment to one of the boys prompting my response "No, shut up or get the fuck out. I will call the police on my own house. Do you understand?" Silence. I walk Hazel out to the alley where we notice a car having a hard time parallel parking. Once finally in the space we realize that not only is it one of Dave's friends returning to the house, but Dave himself. I am well beyond angry at this point.
Dave comes in and with the help of a few of his friends (I assume anyway) clean some of the house. Around 4 he walks past my room and is surprised to see that I am still awake, after my threat the house was amazingly quiet. He manages a few words before I cut him off telling him that he was probably the last person I wanted to see at that particular moment. Dave and I have a pretty good relationship and I very rarely am able to tell someone that I have absolutly no desire to see or speak to them. When I said it to Dave I can only imagine the look on my face, he turned pale and started apologizing profusely. Depending on how I feel in the morning and how clean the house is will determine what the parental units find out. Lets hope he and his friends got the place pretty clean since I refuse to pick up anything, told him that if they found any evidence that I would not hesitate to spill everything and he has to be at work in about, oh, 5 hours.

Quote of the Week

2005-08-26T00:33:00.000-06:00

Hazel and I have decided that there needs to be a quote of the week, and for the most part, this quote should come from the Scottish security guard at Queen Supers.

Scotty: This guy comes in a few minutes ago and is all surprised saying 'what do you mean I can't buy booze after midnight?!' and I tell him 'that just how it is, tough titty in the big city, at least the milk's still good.'

that alone was worth the trip.

I'm Married to the Sea

2005-08-21T02:10:00.000-06:00

Yesterday i was fucked and Hazel was stumped over a problem. Today she is fucked and I am stumped. While saying our good byes at Dino-nite I received a text message from her saying "No! Nick Casey just asked me out! No! No! No!" Now, I have known Nick since Kindergarten, he is Norman Bates times 10. He is the kind of guy that 5, 10, 15 years down the road if I turn on my tv and see that there has been an office shooting and see his picture I won't be surpirsed. At all. He has pointed out places snipers could hide while walking down the street. He is the kind of guy you just want to be nice to, he makes you so uncomfortable. So that brings up the problem of her being asked out by him.
First of all she was alone at work with him when he told her he would like to ask out this other girl who is a known lesbian, saying "I'd like to fuck her." *shudder* When Hazel pointed out that she isn't into guys, he asked her out to a lazer show this coming weekend. Not wanting to be the one to finally set him off Hazel made up an excuss about probably not being able to get off work, at which point he offered to call their boss and request it off for her. When it came time to leave Hazel locked up and b-lined for her scooter, he chased her down and asked which would work better for her, Friday or Saturday.
After returning from Dino-nite I hurried across the street to her house where we both sat a bit shell shocked before deciding that we needed junk food. now. So we walked up the hill to Queen Supers.
For those of you who have not been to queen supers you should go, the people there are amazing. For those of you who have never been at 1am, make it a point to go. There is a Scottish security guard who is too awesome for words. Not only does he have a rockin' accent but he is super nice, funny and his name is Scotty. As we were leaving he told us to be careful, it's a full moon and people were acting crazy. We pointed to our bags of cookies and said we were well aware. At this point he walked us out of the store and began telling us hilarious stories of various crazies. One involving an abusive boyfriend trying to get his girlfriend to cash a fradulent check,
"now ladies, you know this area right? What can you get for $40 at 4am?"
Hazel: "I am going to guess it starts with C"
Scotty: "You are a clever one"
Me: "I wasn't even going to narrow it down that much, i was just going to say that odd are it wasn't legal...or at very least FDA approved."
Scotty: "yeah, and neither was he, let me tell you, that guy was about as good as a used condom with a hole in it, not worth a fuck."
Now remember, that was in a scottish accent, making that alone worth the trip to the store.

Work Ruins Everything

2005-08-16T23:46:00.000-06:00

Those of you who know me know that i am not a morning person. In fact, I like to skip mornings all together whenever possible. Today I had to be at work at 6.30. Six fucking thirty!! And despite the fact that I work in a coffee shop, i didn't get any coffee until around 9.30 when my mom proved once again why she is the coolest person ever. I left work with the intention of going home to change in to my Ann Taylor stock shirt before going to my other work. Instead my mom asked me how my day was, I complained that it just kept going! She pointed out that it was only 9.15, I must have looked like I was going to cry or something because she bought me a cup of coffee and drove me to work where I stayed until 7.15 processing pants. I really hate pants.
But at least tomorrow I get to work more civilized hours, 1-4, before going back to the 8+ hour days that thrsday and friday will bring. So you should all come down to Curious Coffee at 16th and Grant and see me.

p.s. if this doesn't make any sense, I'm sorry. I've been up since 5.50, what the hell do you want from me?

Not My Week.

2005-08-09T15:24:00.000-06:00

Great. Now I have food poisoning...or the flu.

I Need to Complain.

2005-08-09T01:26:00.000-06:00

I am having a bad day.
I woke up this morning with a nice cramp in my lower abdomen that is yet to go away. Showed up 5 hours early to work because I read Anthony's shift as my own. Turned what would be a 5 hour shift into an 8 1/2 hour one. Am really worried about my mom (she had a dizzy spell the other night and fainted in the bathroom hitting the door on her way down which not only cut part of her head open but gave her a black eye, and because it was in the middle of the night, no one heard it). And the straw that broke the camel's back, showing up to the house sitting house to find that the cat had used the ENITRE living room as a liter box. Unless it is for John, I am done house sitting.

Rabbit Stew

2005-08-07T23:03:00.000-06:00

Have you seen the cinamtic classic "Monty Python and the Holy Grail"? If you haven't, fuck off and watch it. Now. If you have, and i believe that is the case for most of you, you know that little bunny rabbit that guards the entrance to the cave that tells where the grail can be found? The one with the vicious streak a mile wide? I'm pet sitting it.
Something I have learned about pet sitting, people conveniently forget to mention that their pets can and do escape on a regular basis. This bunny is not in a traditional cage, but in a coral of sorts in the middle of an office. When i first saw it it looked so big and floppy and lazy and sweet. I soon realized this was an act. The first time he got out I caught him rather easily. But one night I opted to stay the night at the house and this is when my true hatered formed. Around 4.30, 5am I heard a crash come from the office just down the hall from where I was sleeping. I got up to see what had happened and found the bunny not in his pen but sitting on the desk next to it. The next hour and a half was spent coaxing the bunny out from under bed and desks and from the backs of closets. Finally I trapped him in the room I was sleeping in and passed out. Around 6.30 I wake up to the bunny sitting on my chest and freak out. The bunny flees to the depths of the closet where he finds some tissue paper to amuse himself for the next 4 hours. When I get up, I try for another hour to catch the damn bunny before going to work. An 8 hour shift later I return to continue the hunt.
Rabbit hunting has become a daily routine. I feel like Elmer Fud with out the speech impediment and cool hat. And the Bunny isn't witty, he is evil.
Now just because the bunny escapes and runs around doesn't make him evil. That makes him crafty and there is a slight difference. But as Kiyomi and and my cousin Brian have discovered, this is a growling bunny. He growls at you! I've entered the office to find Kiyomi standing on a chair yelling that the bunny tried to attack her! It sits with its claws out! Earlier I tried to brib it out from under a desk with lettuce, a trick that usually works, it lunged at me!! AND HIT MY FINGER WITH ITS TEETH!!! Causing both Brian and I to yelp and jump away as fast as humanly possible. In the words of Python, this is the most foul tempered rodent you ever laid eyes on! I. Hate. This. Bunny. Rachel I feel you can comiserate, after all I believe your profile says something along the lines of "You hear me world? No more evil bunnies!" and this one most certianly is. Dani, I'm sorry.

The Pink Robots Won

2005-08-03T02:17:00.000-06:00

My fish Yoshimi just died. Now The Importance of Being Ernest Shackelton is all alone and I am sad.

Blackout

2005-08-02T03:59:00.000-06:00

On my way home from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" with my mom, I noticed that starting at Speer Blvd. the neighborhood was very dark. in fact the 15 blocks from Speer to Colfax were without power I noticed as I drove over to St. Mark's. But what got me was not that the power and all the traffic lights were out, but that on 9th and Downing there was someone directing traffic. Not just some random guy, but military personnel, in full military (and by this I mean camo) fatigue. Maybe it's just me, but while directing traffic, at night, in a blackout I would want to be wearing tin foil or something equally as reflective, not camouflage. I mean hell, why not just wear all black and stand in the middle of the road? In his defense he did have 2 silver strips of electric tape on him, but not enough to stop me from almost hitting him.

"Courage On The Dance Floor"

2005-07-24T15:44:00.000-06:00

It's no secret that I love dance offs. At any hint of conflict I urge whoever is involved to settle it with a dance off. Last night I witnessed one.
Kiyomi and I decided to go to Danceatron at Cervantes. We knew from the last one that it would probably be lame but the people watching fantastic. And it was. Oh good god. It's amazing what passes for dancing and style these days. From the girl in croc's and a leatard to the fuax cowboy boot, baggy pleated shorts stereotypical homeschooled looking girl to the Sinade O'Conner wannabe, there was no shortage of people to point and laugh at. But one of the real highlights was infact the dance off that took place between the two "dance" troupes that were present. One was decked out in their finest camo with "Courage on the dance floor" written in what appeared to be silver letters on the back. The opposing side had an odd brown and pink 80's/urban outfitters/train wreck theme going for them. The all had bandanas, one wore hers on her head...but seemed to be a little mixed up by it, seeing as she wore the point in front. There were pink leggings and fingerless gloves galore, and not to be outdone by their camo counterparts, had "Private dance" written in silver on their backs. Going off this alone you can tell just how "hardcore" these kids were.
Anyway, the two sides start egging each other on and preparing the dance floor. Well the problem with a dance off between these two groups is neither of them can dance...but they all think they can. So they both start pulling out their best choreographed dance off moves, which include but are not limited to, Newsies moves (scouts honor, they pulled a Newsies move), attempted belly dancing, attempted break dancing, the running man (which they failed horribly at) and a human pyramid. What was funnier than the horrid dancing was the two other pairs that joined the dance off. All evening Kiyomi and I had been keeping close watch on these two girls who were dressed in gym shorts, pulled up sock, sports bras, tanks and for some reason had a towel hanging from their shorts. They had evidently taken 3 maybe 4 hip hop classes in their life and that made them the shit. Why? because they could do a break dance handstand...kind of. Wanting to show off their mad skills these two run onto the floor, join the circle and start rolling on the floor. Moves so bad ass that the rest of them would never even consider them to be dancing. After successfully stunning everyone the two stand back for the duration of the dance off.
By this point you are probably wondering, how do you end a dance off where no one can dance? Easy, you have two random guy dressed as characters from Winnie the Pooh who are also wearing war paint on their faces charge their way into the middle of the circle and upstage everyone with actual dancing. Thank you Tigger and Eyore for saving the day. Although I think the guy pretending to be a psycho ninja (complete with mask, imaginary sword and high kicks) could have probably taken out both troupes if he wanted.

Thats The Way You Need It

2005-07-20T23:34:00.000-06:00

things I have decided.
-I need a 24 hour on call masseuse. My neck and back have entered a world of pain from working so much this week.
-I want to see how many advisors I can assemble so that I can have my very own team of advisors to call upon. I met with my academic advisor last week about classes for this semester and the topic of my major (or lack thereof) came up. I was under the impression that as my advisor, academic at that, that she was in charge of helping me pick one. It turns out that this is not the case. She makes sure I am taking the proper classes for my major and that I am not failing. My career advisor is in charge of helping me find a major. I didn't even know I had one. So I meet with her tomorrow, during which i will probably only be able to think of Eddie Izzard, " and the careers advisor used to come and sit us down and say 'I advise you to get a career' "
-showing up 5 hours early for work today was a great plan. Because of it I got to leave 4 1/2 hours early and therefore hang out with my friends instead of 20 boxes of pants.
-there are few things i want more than a back rub and another avacado boba tea.
-I really like to cook. But only on my own terms. If someone tells me that I am in charge of making dinner, fuck that. If I am bored, game on.
- I really really need to get some sleep. The hyper stage is coming to an end, emotional crazy stage is coming. It's best not to go that route.

Flashback

2005-07-15T04:31:00.000-06:00

So Willie, Hazel, Nick, Kiyomi and I went to see the new "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" along with Kate, Alex and Rachel. It was loads-o-fun. Or at least Hazel and I thought so. She and I had a grand old time. After the show Kiyomi, Nick, Hazel, Willie and I piled into my car and headed for some late night eats. There were two votes for Pete's and two for Mama's. We sat down in Mama's opened the menus and saw the oh so lovely and appatizing photos of the food that would be dished out to us and Kiyomi and I decided to cross the street and eat more reliable food at Pete's, leaving the other three to fend for themselves. Our food came. It was glorious. We went to pay and I realized that the woman at the theater had shortchanged me. I was rather pissed. oh well.
After we paid we crossed the street to Walgreens where we thought we would look for some candy while the other half of the group finished eating. When we walked in the door the manager gave us a bit of a stare down, I soon realized that it was Ronald my best friend since pre-school's dad, and for all intensive purposes, my second dad. I haven't seen him since freshmen year. I used to spend almost as much time at their house as I did at my own. He spoiled us, coached our basketball team, punished us when we messed up and tickled us to death. I remember Courtney and I taking every pillow and cushion in the house and building a fort of sorts on top of ourselves so that when he got home from work he wouldn't be able to tickle us. It didn't work.
The whole drive out to Willie's and back I was on auto pilot. It's amazing I didn't hit something or at very least get pulled over. Now it is almost 5am and my mind is still in flashback mode. I am way to hyped up to sleep. Why is no one awake?

The Game Is Up.

2005-07-11T02:04:00.000-06:00

So, I don't know how aware of this you are, but I can be rather secretive when it comes to stuff about me, say feelings, odd quirks ect. More than once I have been given the lecture on the importance of sharing these things but my response was usually to go bake something (when I am irritated I have a tendency to either go for a really long walk or cook). Now, for no apparent reason I am ready to share some, by no means all, of these odd little tendencies with you. So read quickly, I may realize what I have done and take it down.
-there are lots of emotions i am not good at expressing. Anger is one of them. That is why few people have ever see me yell, usually I lock myself in a room and cry in frustration at not being able to really yell and just get it out there. When this happens, it is best to just leave me alone until I am ready to come out, if I decide not to lock myself in a room but to cook instead, the same rule applies. If you talk to me you aren't making anything better, you are pissing me off more.
-I try to avoid any kind of confrontation. If I absolutely must confront someone about something, I would prefer for one or both parties to be semi intoxicated, if not I turn bright red and feel very jittery and scared. And it usually means that what I am confronting you about has been bothering me for a really long time.
-I am embarrassed by crying. That is to say, if i cry, I feel embarrassed for crying it doesn't matter if I am alone or with people. I also try to aviod crying with people around.
-I am ticklish everywhere. sides, feet, hands, roof of my mouth, everywhere.
-I am easily frightened, that is why i don't watch horror flicks.
-I am afraid of more things than I would ever care to count or admit to.
-Everytime I board a plane, I touch the outside just before I step through the door. I have done it ever since I was a little kid.
-I have issues eating with people. I don't really like people watching me eat and can often be found holding one hand over my mouth when eating around people i don't know very well or I wait until they aren't looking to take a bite. I hate it when people chew with their mouths open, smack their lips, talk with their mouth full, hold their silverware in a fist, eat with their face approximatly 2 inches above their food and lick knives. The smell of mustard makes me sick and mayo is evil. If I know you really well I have an easier time eating with you and am less likely to look in another direction while we eat, if i know you well and i still turn away it doesn't mean that you gross me out or that i don't trust you, i'm just crazy.
-There are several words that I absolutely hate and chances of you hearing me say them are slim to nil, but I won't tell people what they are so they won't tease and/or torment me with them. When I hear them I pretend like it doesn't bother me.
-Getting a letter in the mail will make my whole day
-It drives me crazy when people show up later than they say and don't call or when they just blow me off altogether.
-I hate it when people look through or use my stuff without asking or when I am not there.
-I lie. A lot. Other times I am telling the truth and am glad everyone takes it as a lie.
-I am always surprised when someone says that they were talking about me. I really don't think I am interesting and can't figure out why people would waste their time talking about me. Also when I know that someone was talking about me, I want to know exactly what was said or it bothers me, I try to hide this.
-I never get under the covers in my clothes, it creeps me out to think about whatever germs are on my pants being under the covers, on top is apparently fine. I also hate shoes and food on my bed but unless you are my brother the odds of me saying anything to you about these three things is slim.
-I have no idea what size bra i wear and have no intention of ever being fitted for one.
-I can't leave the kitchen messy after making something. Every pot, pan, plate, bowl, whatever has to be put in the dishwasher or at very least rinsed, all the counters washed off and everything put away. I used to clean the kitchen in Vienna between 4 and 7 times a day because they would always leave it covered in stuff and it drove me nuts.
-I don't like it when other people use my towel.
-unless i have been drinking i feel really awkward around people i have just met or that i don't know very well. When I have been drinking I will talk to anyone, but there is always the chance i will run away as my attention span has a tendency to disappear.
-I have the ability to forget that i have to go to the bathroom.
-I hate having friends angry with me and try to do everything in my power to avoid pissing them off. If I know they are upset with me about something I did, I feel like shit and on more than one occasion have had dreams of them yelling at me.
-Sitting in a coffee shop, whether with friends or a book, has the power to make me blissfully happy.
-when people share all their woes with me, the only thing that bothers me is that they only thing I can think to say when they are done is "that sucks, i'm sorry...do you want a hug?"
-I readily admit that I am a horrible person, I make mean comments all the time. I often feel bad about that, but usually only if it was about someone I like.
-Sometimes I am unable to say no.
-I often think that people know all of this and more about me but are just humoring me by pretending they don't. That said, this is all I am going to reveal as I now feel rather naked.

Whoo Hoo!!!

2005-07-07T16:40:00.000-06:00

My computer is back!!! I missed him so very very much.

Poor Little Guy

2005-07-02T19:48:00.000-06:00

so yeah....my computer is being sent away. To be fixed. I miss him already.

Denver, The Sunshine State

2005-06-30T23:31:00.000-06:00

I'm back from Ohio. Thank god. I was going out of my mind with boredom. There is only so much tv i can watch, so many cobblers i can bake, games of pool i can play and trips to the mall i can take in suberbia before i start to go insane. But I am back. And let me tell you, the excitment of being back in Denver after Indiana (The pro life state as the many many billboards inform you) and Ohio is rather a lot like the fun drunk stage, you are unbelievebly happy to be where you are and see everyone, everyone looks sexy (the midwest...not a looker in the bunch) you want to hug and kiss everyone, you're full of smiles and laugh damn near nonstop. it's like magic.

quote of the trip:
Dave's reaction to Alan's 6 1/2 year old son showing him a jar of lightning bugs he has caught and is going to keep as pets
"I hope you know they are going to die soon, so don't get too attached."

The Best Thing Since...

2005-06-22T19:15:00.000-06:00

The following was yelled across the hall between Dave and I:
Dave: Lauren, I think i am the best thing to happen to men since women.
Me: Why? Are you gay?
Dave: No. I'm just an awesome guy.

Son of a BITCH!!

2005-06-22T18:52:00.000-06:00

So tomorrow i fly to Ohio. I am not really sure why. I am going to my grandparents house. I arrive thursday night they leave friday morning. They come back late sunday night, we leave wensday. What they hell is the point? Not to mention, its Ohio. In summer. Colorado kids were not meant for things like air and humidity. I will miss you all more than you will know. See you next week.

Like High School...Only More Fun

2005-06-20T00:38:00.000-06:00

So Willie and Becca have been dating for a while now and from the pictures I have posted you can see what they are like together.
For G&T thursday this week i crashed on Willie's couch and awoke at the brilliant hour of 10am so Willie could check the status of the moped he was trying to buy off ebay. In case he was too hung over to get out of bed, he also had Becca watching the auction. After he lost the moped to another bidder she called. From the other room i hear him invite her to coffee with us, followed by lots of "oh...ok" the occasional "I don't think that is the case" a few "I dunno, whatever, I guess I'll talk to you later" and an ending of "Are you crying?" by the time we reach St. Mark's Willie is in a rather crappy mood. I knew he had his heart set on getting the moped, but as it turned out, Becca had also pissed him off. During the phone conversation she had told him that she didn't think i liked her and that i didn't want her around and then tried to convince Willie that he should go hang out with her instead of having coffee with me. I did not confirm or deny anything instead just listened and offered a hug as i do when anyone tells me their woes.
Yesterday I went over to St. Mark's with the intension of meeting up with Hazel and eventually Kiyomi before going to Beau's house. When I arrived Willie, Becca and Nick were there, Hazel told me that she was going to run some errands so may not be there when i got there but would return. Willie, ecstatic about having found and bought a moped, soon left to go crusing around with Nick and get started on their moped gang. For over two hours i sit with Becca trying to keep up a conversation, but since she doesn't talk (or at least when i am around) this is rather tricky. Around 9 i left. I couldn't take it anymore.
Today Nick and Kiyomi came over after visiting Hazel at the Marble Slab and delivered some very interesting news, Becca has begun talking shit about me. HA! She told Hazel two things which were then repeated to me, a) that everytime she is at st. mark's with willie i just walk in, like it was planned (thats right kids, she claims that we have formed a conspiracy against her!) and b) since Nick returned from Boston i have abandoned Willie in favor of hanging out with Nick and Kiyomi. What? Is it just me, or do those statements contridict one another?
Now you may not believe me when I say this, but i think the whole situation is hilarious!! Honestly I laughed when i heard it. I was tickled pink when we met up with Hazel at St. Mark's and she and Kiyomi got defensive about people talking about me in a negative manner (apparently that is taboo around them, no one fucks with Kiyomi's pillow and Hazel's neighbor/fake girlfriend). Honestly, it made my night. I can't wait to see this whole thing play out, especially since i am meeting Willie for coffee in the morning and he has invited Becca. All part of my "conspiracy."

Mission: Morality Survey

2005-06-12T09:59:00.000-06:00

Next time any of you walk past an Urban Outfitters or Anthropologie store and notice that they are hiring, you should make it a point to go in and fill out an application. When you fill it out, do so like you really want the job even if you have no desire to ever work or even buy from their company. Why? Because you have to get to the interview process, or more spacifically the morality survey you take at the end of the interview (which is done in a group by the way). The survey is probably the funniest thing i have ever filled out. It is a whole booklet full of questions like "Do you think it is ok to take COCAIN, HEROIN or METH on your lunch break?" (they capitalize the names, apparently they don't have a problem with other drugs) "How many times in the last three years have you done COCAIN, HEROIN or METH before work? a) never b) once or twice c) every once in awhile d) every month e) before every shift." "How many times have you stolen from you job? do not count minor office supplies." "Do you think it is ok to steal from work if the amount is under a) it is never ok to steal from work b) $5 c) $10 d) $25" "If employed by our company, would you steal from us?"
Who in their right mind would answer yes to any of these questions when they are trying to get a job? This survey is around 6 pages long and may very well make your day. So I urge you to go apply. I think both stores in the Cherry Creek mall are still hiring, apparently everyone who applied failed the survey. As God as my witness, I thought it was ok to deal drugs out of the back room.

Fucking Men With Hamburger Heads

2005-06-09T02:31:00.000-06:00

this was a fm4 webtip that i thought i would pass on to you kids. After all, who doesn't want to make fun of McDonald's and their crappy comercials?

Do You Want To Know A Secret?

2005-05-31T18:23:00.000-06:00

After looking at people eating and crying, why not head over to postsecret to read people's deep dark or funny secrets. This is quickly becoming my fav site. And i totally plan on sending one in. In fact, i made a few already.

Crying While Eating

2005-05-31T17:58:00.000-06:00

I think it was Kelly that told me about this site the other night. But it is exactly what the title suggests. And there is nothing like videos of people eating and crying to turn your day around.

Strike Three

2005-05-31T17:23:00.000-06:00

So I have tried three times to post this nice long entry about all these things that i have done. And three times it has crashed and dumped the entry. That tells me that is wasn't meant to be. Laaaaame. And there is no way i am writing it again. Sorry.

oh, one more thing. Tilly and the Wall=awesome. Instead of a drummer, they have a tap dancer. is that not one of the coolest things ever?

Everything Is Right With The World.

2005-05-21T04:38:00.000-06:00

Or at least my little world. Why? Because it is 4am, I am not going to lie, I am drunk, I have been to three parties tonight and I passed all of my classes this semester. All of them. Even Anthro, which is impressive seeing as she handed us the exam and i almost started crying, it was that hard., shit you not.
The parties were fun. there was a bit of a scare at the first when there were cops lingering near by and i couldn't find my driver. That was a low point. But it all worked out in the end. Rocio not only made me go to the bathroom with her but climbed out a window and i attempted to catch her. That was a little rough. There was dancing, singing. The police showed up and those of us in thebasement holding the dance party freaked out a little, turned down the stereo and sang while we danced. The second party was..........interesting. There was a wind sock hanging in the neighboring yard that looked just like a dead baby sitting in a swing of some sort. And though we all knew that the chances of it being an actual dead baby were slim to nil, it was still the creepiest thing i have ever seen and i have walked into graveyards were the bodies have been dug up. Anyway, in our drunken state someone decides that they are going to jump the fence and find out what it really is, the flashlights just aren't doing it. So Mike jumps the fence, with a knife mind you, and goes and cuts down the "dead baby" which in fact is a frog windsock. in the process the fence is broken. Like broken broken. Nails pulled out and everything, so Nick and i try to fix it so the dogs won't get out. I don't think it worked so well but oh well. Then we decided to set off for a third party that we heard was being held by Travis. We couldn't find the house. So we set off for my house. On the way we saw that my new neighbor and aquaintence from Art History and Club Smash was on his front porch with friends. We cruised down the street and up the alley to go see him. He, thinking we were someone else, came running down the sidewalk to greet us. It ended up that the Beau Nick knew from Catholic school was the same Beau I knew from Art History and other events. So we hung out on his porch with him and his friends for an hour or so, then i walked the three blocks down the hill to my house where I decided that it would be an awesome idea to blog in my current state instead of sleep a little while longer before I have to get up and work. I am thinking this was a bad idea and i will most likely regret it. Oh well too late now.

Good Times

2005-05-15T23:33:00.000-06:00

I finished finals at about 12.30 thursday afternoon. here is a basic run down (complete with photos!) of some of the goings on between that time and now.
Thursday:
-went skipping from class to Chedd's where i got a free grilled cheese from Willie
-St. Mark's where Tyler fell asleep on my lap not once but twice.
-G&T thursday on a thursday for once
-willie allowed Tyler to come to G&T thursday, he kept trying to cuddle with me and programed himself into my phone as "Tyler Sexy" I need to get away from this kid
-the following phone conversation with Kiyomi: Me "WILLIE!! NO!! DON'T DO IT!! AWW GOD DAMNIT!! *willie in the background* I'm sorry Lauren." Kiyomi, "What the hell is going on? where are you?" "We are on the roof Willie's garage, he is currently peeing off the side." *Tyler joining in* "Lemme talk to Kiyomi!! I want to say hi!" Me, "Tyler shut the fuck up!"
-Party at the Chateaux (for all the photos click on the title)
-A phone call from Whitney that startled me causing me to drop my beer.
-LOTS of dancing
-LOTS of drinking, which prompted more dancing
-Losing the memory chip in my camera, making them turn the lights on on the dance floor to see if it was there, when it wasn't dancing for another song or two before continuing the search.
-finding the memory card on the bathroom floor halfway through a conversation with someone
-being hit on by a guy sitting in an old pick up truck in the backyard, runing away when i saw Megan pull applesauce from her bag
-watching half the party drink said applesauce from the jar
-Pete's Kitchen at 3am Kiyomi: "Act sober!"
Friday
-Waking up with a wicked hangover
-the apple store to get my computer fixed
-sitting at the Genius Bar in the Apple store feeling like an idiot because a) I have no idea what the friendly people are talking about and b) there is a french fry not stuck, but mashed into the back of my pant leg from that late night visit to Pete's
-St. Mark's with Rachel, Alex, Kiyomi then joined by Travis aka The Scarlet Letter and later Willie and Becca
-Paris on the Platte
-watching Kiyomi get tanked after one drink, while Travis and Willie slowly followed
-driving home at 4.30am
Saturday
-waking up singing Journey. "Any way you want it that's the way you need it!"
-singing it all day at work and therefore getting it stuck in Rachel's head (sorry.)
-mom returning from New Mexico and realizing that with all the late nights, finals, and shindigs, I have no idea when she left
-St. Mark's
-Dino-nite aka several musical acts performing in a building under construction.

-dancing
-having Kiyomi put chapstick on for me amid much laughter
-running into more people i knew than i thought possible at one of these functions
-watching Willie and Becca try and contain their excitment

-Kung fu fighting in the street

-Paris on the Platte where I asked them to suprise me when it came to my order and i recieved the most amazing drink ever.
-2am me, wound up, taking everyone home
Sunday
-Battle Babes stationary set. How funny is that?!
-St. Mark's where once again Willie and Becca where out of control, i think they need to cut down on their caffine/sugar intake
-leaving when i realized that there was no way they were going to perk up
-going to Kiyomi's where we made a cake!
-crazy music videos
-crazier anime
-decortating out cake

-deciding we needed to put candles in it and that there should be 4 because that is how old we act. It was a very merry un-birthday indeed

-lots of laughing
-vintage muffin mix
-deciding that we should have a bake off, like a giant Iron Chef only with trashier food everything should be made from some sort of box mix, and bring our creations to Jazz in the Park so we can have a picnic before starting our massive game of Ha Ha

I love break.

I Love Fridays

2005-05-07T18:00:00.000-06:00

Friday was one hell of a day. It started off with me waking up around 7.30 with the intention to study for my lab final, this naturally did not happen until about 8.30 and then promptly stopped fifteen minutes later in favor of looking at the wall. The exam began at 9, by 9.15 i was skipping through the hall done with that class for good.
10.30 ish, off to St. Mark's where i read and wrote a letter until Willie arrived. Then he punched me in the face and I beat him in an arm wrestle. There was also casual chit chat but who wants to hear about that?
2.30 off to Anthony's Pizza for lunch, this is when things really got interesting. Willie's debit card was declined, meaning there was no money in his account. Not good. So I bought lunch then we ran to his house to get his dad to wire him some cash. By 3.30 we were hanging out in King Supers at the Western Union desk waiting for the wire to come through. Half an hour later we call his dad, his dad hasn't yet wired the money, the bank closes at 5. We opt to go to a Western Union location in downtown and therefore closer to his bank. We pick up Becca and are on our way.
We try Republic Plaza (while running in and out of there some very bored smoothy place clerks wave at us like they know us, really they just wanted us to walk over there so they could read our shirts.) Rite Aid, Walgreen's and finally one of those dingy, depressing pay day loans/cash your check now places. The money has come through. Race to the bank. We arrive 5 minutes after closing so are stuck with the atm deposite.
5.30 back at my house attempting magic with our computers, no such luck. Then a drive to go pick up two of Dave's friends, Kiyomi calling to see if I am going to the Super Hero party we were apparently invited to last weekend. I invite Willie and Becca then am reminded by Kiyomi that Becca and the host Birdy dated and that would be awkward. I start shouting "unvitation." Becca decides she will go home seeing as she had SATs first thing in the morning.
7-7.30 ish Kiyomi aka The Green Lantern arrives. I am Euro Trash Girl and Willie is Emo Boy. Off we go to the Breakdown where we sit on the sidewalk eating vegan chocolate watching a shy girl play the banjo then Drew Danburry, who was super entertaining by the way.
8.30-9ish off to St. Mark's for a little pick me up. Ran into Becca and a bunch of other kids. We all hit on one another. It was fun. Then to my house to pee and pick up gin.
10.30 ish off to the party at The Chateau. There were sing alongs. Willie and i drank. and drank. and then! we drank some more. We danced, Kiyomi and i provided strobe light action with our bad ass rings. We sang some more. We took fun photos that maybe my computer will one day allow me to share with all of you. Met lots of fun people and a few...interesting ones. Named Rachel Carmen Sandiego. Put it to a vote in a parking lot that founding members of the YABB should never again take shots of strait gin especially after a few beers, it passed with no resistance. Eventually made it back to my house where we promptly passed out.
Awoke bright and early this morning (9.45) grumbled very hung over out of bed and to breakfest before I went to work.

The Youth And Beauty Brigade

2005-05-03T00:16:00.000-06:00

I have really been slacking off when it comes to posting news. I apologize.
A few weeks ago Willie and I were bored and decided to come up with a secret handshake. We then started refering to ourselves as a club, because we have a secret handshake and do you know who else has a secret handshake? Thats right, clubs. A week or two later we randomly came up with a motto for our club, "we have nice hats and scarves." A few minutes later we took a Decemberists song and made it into our club name, The Youth and Beauty Brigade. Since that point our club has progressed quite a bit. We have the beginnings of a charter, a logo (which we are having put on stickers and t-shirts), various ministries (including the ministry of free cake, which I am sure there will be a post about), a battle cry, a club song, a back up club song and a weekly club activity with more to come. Today we welcomed what we like to refer to as our aquatic ambassadors to the YABB. We have official club fish! We haven't worked out their names yet, but we are working on it.
And this is just a fun IM conversation Kiyomi and I had on the subject.

Me: willie and i got fish
Kiyomi: god you two are married. where does it live?
Me: they live in a bowl on my dresser. there are two of them
Kiyomi: hank isnt even cold in his grave yet and you have TWO new hussies in his bowl?!!?!?!
Me: what are you talking about? Hank died almost two months ago!!
Kiyomi: maybe you can forget so easily but some of us cant!!! we're not ready to let go!
Me: i have made my peace with his death. it was his time. After all, he was a fish that couldn't swim. A rare and special breed that is doomed to a short time on this earth.
Kiyomi: the candle that burns the brightest burns the shortest
Me: so true so true
Kiyomi: so what are these new ones like?
Me: one looks like he is either a pirate or got into a bar fight. he has a black eye.
Me:or an eye patch, depending on how you look at it
Kiyomi: that one is willies isnt it
Me: yeah
Kiyomi: i can see him getting the pirate fish
Me: the other one is a cool light yellow color. the pirate one is all calico too.
Kiyomi: awesome, hope you know a named fish dies quicker
Me: well at the moment they don't have names, we haven't come up with anything yet. but their default names are Marx and Engles.

Wait a second. Kiyomi weren't you the one who was out to destroy Hank?
I'll have more news and all that after finals end.

Dang.

2005-04-28T22:43:00.000-06:00

Because I spend so much time in smoke filled coffee shops I have become paranoid that my room smells like a stale ashtray and therefore gone on a febreze frenzy. Spraying every coat, scarf, bag and sweater in my possesion. Now my room truly does smell like ass.

Crunch Time

2005-04-24T14:11:00.000-06:00

things I really need to do.
-take home philosophy exam
-philosophy synopsis
-philosophy term paper (he can't really want to read all this. 5 papers? come on.)
-art history term paper
-dialogue for creative writing
-one act play for creative writing
-start studying for the anthro finals.
-not create blog posts when i should be doing any of the above items.

Man. this semester needs to end.

We Did It Again.

2005-04-18T22:32:00.000-06:00

Last week Hazel, Becca and I went out to Willie's house to make pancakes. Not just any kind of pancake, chocolate chip banana pancakes. Oh yeah. I was in charge of the bananas and as this photo shows, I got it done and made it gorgeous....or something.

Becca and Willie made the batter. And Hazel, well Hazel flipped and entertained.

As you have noticed from the photos, this was a classy venture from the start. But knowing us, we have to take it to a whole new level.
After we finish the pancakes, Becca, Hazel and I have a dance party to the Art of Noise's "Theme from Peter Gunn." During this time Hazel takes an entire pancake and shoves it in her mouth. Closely resmbeling the photo below

only, in order to make becca and I laugh harder, there is much more of it hanging out of her mouth. So we are dancing around, laughing like idiots (Hazel with what can only be described as pancake rabbies) while Willie is in the bathroom. Hazel goes dancing out into the hallway only to put it in reverse and dance right back into the the stereo room. Eyes bulging she grabs my arm and pushes me into the hall, Becca close behind. Standing in the living room is a middle aged man holding a stack of papers. Because we are already wound up and have been making fools out of ourselves all day, all we can think to do is double over laughing. I am not talking a slight chuckle here. No. I mean red faces, real tears, use one another for support laughing. We have no idea who this guy is and he in turn has no idea who we are.
We manage to calm down, a little, and go introduce ourselves and explain who we are. At this point Willie returns and greets his uncle Mark (who we refer to as Uncle Walter, dirty Uncle Walter to be exact. I am not sure why), Becca, Hazel and I quickly run to the bathroom for another laughing fit.
How is it we manage to meet people under such embarassing circumstances?

How Dave Broke His Other Ankle

2005-04-10T15:26:00.000-06:00

If you haven't read the post titled "I Met The Neighbors" yet, please read that one before you read this one.
So while standing on Justin's front lawn, just after explaining why we were acting like ninjas and throwing flowers in his front door and who we were, my phone rang. It was my brother. Some how when I said "hey! Whats up?" to Dave someone or all of the people i was with thought i said something about Michael Bolton. How this happened, other than they were drunk, I don't know. But the result was my brother trying to explain to me that he thought he had broken his ankle while they all yelled things like "The pop star!!??!!" Finally after yelling at them to shut up, and inbetween passing cars, i was able to get that Dave had hurt his ankle, he thought it was broken but wasn't sure, his friend's mom was angry with him and could I please pick him up in the East High parking lot at 7.30am.
Well 7am comes and I wake up in a bit of a fog. Shortly after my phone rings, it's Dave, he has a ride. I roll over and go back to sleep until 10 when I call in sick to work, something I feel horrid about (No one should have to work all day with Fred. Ever. Alex I am so sorry). Back to bed for like an hour.
After some art, grilled cheese, coffee and three attempts at buying tickets to the Bright Eyes/Faint show I returned home for the day. Sensing from the fact that Dave had called me about his ankle in the middle of the night, and not (to my knowledge anyway) our parents and that his friend's mom was angry with him I guessed that Dave had probably been doing something he shouldn't have been. So I waiting until the folks had left for the evening to ask him about it. And this is the story he told me.
"So Griffen and I were shooting each other with BB Guns and he shot me in the leg and I fell in a pot hole. Well my body sorta twisted as I fell but since my foot was in the pot hole it stayed where it was. Then Griffen shot me in the head, so I shot him back and we sorta laid there for a few minutes in pain. Then Grif turned and was like 'dude. that kinda hurt' and i said 'yeah, i think i broke my ankle.' So i got up and you know how when i go up stairs I kinda jump? well I was doing that and i heard and felt a snap. and that was that. But I still walked on it all last night, you know that expression 'walk it off' ? turns out it doesn't work in every case."

...Becomes a Tootsie Roll To Me

2005-04-09T19:51:00.000-06:00

I am totally going to make that clock.

I Met The Neighbors

2005-04-09T18:38:00.000-06:00

Willie and I decided to start gin & tonic Thursdays. This week we had not only G&T Thursday and G&T Friday.
So last night we sat out on my front porch, Kiyomi, Becca, Willie and I drinking, dancing, singing and whatnot.
Around 9.30, 10 a taxi pulled up. Out sprang a man armed with a bunch of flowers. He made a mad dash across the street and up the front steps of the duplex across the street. He rang the doorbell, knocked, looked for the spare key, all to our amusement, before jumpming back into the cab and driving away leaving the flowers on the front porch. Becca, Kiyomi and I casually strolled across the street to take a look at the flowers we asumed he left for his angry girlfriend. They were very nice. We sat back down on my porch and realized that we didn't look to see if he left a letter or note or something. So we sauntered back across the street, nothing.
An hour or so goes by during which Hazel joins us and quickly catches up with those of us who are drinking, we have a dance party to the Dandy Worhals, Hazel went up to Safeway for the express purpose of buying a brownie and returned with two bags full of stuff and then it happened. The taxi returned. We quickly filled Hazel in on what had happened and took our spots to see what was going to happen.
After another mad dash across the street the man produced a key and ran into the house leaving the door open. but oh no! He forgot his flowers! So Hazel and Becca decided to go over and give him the flowers. So we all snap into ninja mode, Hazel and Becca go up to his door while Willie hides behind a tree, Kiyomi hides behind a bush and I hide behind a tree, then a bush, then the wall of my front porch. Hazel rings the bell, nothing. She knocks, nothing. So she opens the screen door and peeks in. Not seeing anyone, she turns to Becca "I am just going to leave these here" turns back to the door and places the flowers inside on the floor, looks up to see my neighbor watching her. RUN AWAY!! She runs down the steps across, the street and joins me in my hiding place, as do Willie and Kiyomi. We peek over the little wall to see what is going on and notice that he is sitting there talking to Becca. Gradually we all stand up and mosey across the street where we introduce ourselves and explain (or as much as you can under such circumstances) what is going on. His name is Justin, he is very drunk and finds the whole thing just as funny as we do. He explains that the flowers are his roomates (its her birthday) and that he was locked out so had to go back to the bar to get the key.
Around midnight it is time for Becca to go home. Originally Willie was going to give her a ride but he has had far too much to drink to be driving, in fact he offered me a ride home, which i must say, would have been interesting. So Kiyomi agrees to drive her home. We once again ninja move our way across the street to my house. As we are saying goodbye we see Justin run down his front lawn, hide behind a tree, cross the street, hide behind another tree then run up my front steps where he proceeds to throw a flower at us before we all keel over laughing.
While kiyomi and Willie escort Becca home Hazel and I invite Justin to hang out on our side of Downing street. A few minutes later a taxi pulls up carrying his roomates. Naturally we all hide on my front porch and decide to fuck with them. Because this is the first time Justin and I have met, they think he has drunkenly taken over my front porch. And so starts the introductions and the telling of what has, to us anyway, become a very amusing story indeed. The next thing you know we are back at their house for drinks. Kiyomi and Willie rejoin us. There are digereedoo (sp?) lessons, the one woman flirts with willie hardcore, much to the amusement of Kiyomi and I.
After awhile we go home. And that my friends is how I met my neighbors.

Jon Crosby Is My Hero

2005-04-05T19:13:00.000-06:00

As many of you that know me already know, I love Jon Crosby aka VAST. He is my friend on myspace. I adore him. Today there was a bulletin posted by him that read: " Party at my house! Pope Party 2005! I figured it will be a long time until the next pope dies so I'm throwing a little get together. Party on Wayne! Strictly BYOB. There is a small cover charge to pay for the dead Pope Pinata!"
Oh. My. God. This is too cool for school! Why am I not in Texas?!

Anthro Lab Fun

2005-04-02T22:58:00.000-07:00

So I went to my Anthro lab after just two hours of sleep on friday. I debated just staying up all night, and i really wish i had. Two hours of sleep will kill you. Right, anyway. So the first hour to hour and a half of the class is the TA restating everything that was said in class, during which i considered crawling onto the big lab table and taking a nap. Then realizing she was sure to notice me passed out on the desk, considered casually sliding off my stool and taking a nap on the floor. I figured the base of the lab tables double as storage, she was in the front of the room, I was in the back, it could work. But she read my mind and spent the rest of the lecture portion of the class looking right at me. bitch.
So when the lecture finally came to an end it was time to play with skulls! Not just primate skulls like we are studying mind you, no no, there were skulls from all different animals, minks, wallabys, cats, beavers, all sorts of stuff. Well naturally we have to play with them. So my lab partner and I are talking to this other guy, fucking around with the various skulls when he ponders aloud "i wonder how sharp the teeth are" then asks if he can make the skull bite my arm. I agree. Yeah. Turns out the teeth were really fucking sharp. I have two little puncture teeth wounds on my wrist. We are so smart.

I Saw Caesar Naked.

2005-03-27T01:47:00.000-07:00

So I am fresh off the plane from New York and the trip went down like this:
- seeing almost all of the new MoMA (6 floors people, that is so much art in one visit to the museum)
- seeing Glen Close, Howlin' Pelle of the Hives and Jennie Asplund of the Sahara Hotnights at the MoMA
- Sooooo much shopping
- the Met
- "Spamalot" (holy crap that was funny! The make fun of musicals! in a musical!)
- an...intersting version of "Julius Caesar" with Denzel Washington as Brutus
- killing time at the Plaza
- never being asked for my ID
- breakfest across from Liv Tyler
- almost crying when someone said "Guggenheim" because I was so damn sleepy
- party in room 608! with a little help from Nate the security guard
- being asked to "please keep it down." for anyone who has ever heard Martha laugh, you understand.
- the most badass make up job I have ever seen, double points because it was on a man.
- like wise for the cocktail dress and peacock feathers
- limo to the airport
- the snootiest art galleries I could find
- yelled at by someone begging for money on the subway so she could "feed her family" while she was wearing designer clothing and holding a 6 pack of beer.
- Martha's mom buying my a bitchin' light up ring for easter (it is so awesome!)
- waking up the guy next to me on the plane by dropping a glass of ice on his lap (oops!)
-drinks at Carlyle's (the whole inside was painted by the guy who did illustrations for the Madeline books)
and oh so much more. I will post some pictures after I sleep for awhile.

I'll Miss You

2005-03-20T23:11:00.000-07:00

well children tomorrow I leave you for a few days. I am off to New York but will be back Saturday.

I Can Sleep When I'm Dead

2005-03-20T05:54:00.000-07:00

Notice the time. 5.45am. Between 9am Thursday and now I have slept only a few hours. Why you might ask? Because I am having too much damn fun....and am a bit of an insomniac as it turns out.
St. Patty's and the following day (which in my mind are one in the same) included a true all nighter. A 40 hour day. Whoot! not to mention drinking whiskey out of the bottle in an alley, stealthy ninja moves down the street, lot's of love from a very drunk Kiyomi, banjos and guitars, irish drinking songs, freaking out in a car while trying to figure out how we were going to get booze and what would happen if we were carded, celebration that we weren't carded, movies, music, hugs, a 7am stroll to 7-11 after being up all night armed with the remains of the whiskey Willie opening a packet of cigarettes with his teeth and me with a bag of doritos shoved up my shirt so i could keep my hands warm, St. Mark's, watching Hazel's sister throw bananas into the ceiling fans at the Marble Slab, late night middle eastern food, new short hair! sleep at 2am.
Today: I have been to the Grilled Cheese restaurant, worked, St. Mark's, the director's cut of Donnie Darko as the midnight movie where I recruited a new friend to help me reserve an entire row for our group, then freaked him out, spent more time in my house than I probably have all week, watched a crappy sunset in a cold park with a friend, driven the repulsive "barf car" as we have now named my dad's car (my dog got a little car sick earlier), had a keep warm dance party on the street at 3am, late night/early morning Weezer sing alongs, watched "Penn & Teller: Bullshit" at Willie's (if you haven't seen it, you totally should. It is amazing society can even function) and cake.
Now it is after 6 and i am debating just staying up, I mean, it is light out the worst part is over. I am also noticing just how...hmm....college kid-y i sound. Whatever. I only get to do this once, let the good times roll!

Ocean Fresh Fish

2005-03-17T00:32:00.000-07:00

Things that happened tonight.
-St. Mark's (naturally, that is where it always begins)
-a trip to the west side of town to pick up a banjo
-rocking out to japanese music
-milk shake at Annie's
-taking someone new to the Grilled Cheese restaurant
-realizing I don't have any money to buy grilled cheese with, trip to 7-11 for money
-realizing that 7-11 is no longer there, on to Safeway
-having a drunk attempt to climb up my leg while he is being arrested as I get money from the ATM
-picking up Hazel and getting halfway to St. Mark's before she realized that Becca was in the front seat, not Kiyomi
-tour of King Supers for sushi
-Seeing two vegetarians kissing in the meat department while Hazel searches for something to throw at them
-Hazel and I keeling over in laughter at the irony of it all
-15 minutes later still laughing, they are a little pissed
-fixing it all with a Bohemain Rhapsody sing along
-Monty Python
-Name that cell phone ring, complete with groping action! (don't ask)
-a vulgar off
-Whiskey in the Jar banjo sing along
-cat woman impressions
-go go dancer practice for when Hazel goes on SNL (you don't want to know)

oh man. good times.

She's On To Me.

2005-03-14T22:49:00.000-07:00

So I think that girl who sat in front of me in Anthro lecture found out i was reading over her shoulder. Not only does she no longer sit in front of me, but she doesn't bring her computer anymore. Now I actually have to listen to the professor talk about monkeys. Damn.

Trashy Romance Novels and Mormons

2005-03-08T23:27:00.000-07:00

The following conversation took place at about 4am:

Willie: have you sold any gripping amorous page-turners recently?
Me: possibly. I had to stop looking at the covers and often the titles. they make me laugh too much.
W: It just occured to me that yours is a pornography store for women. which is a testiment to the superiority of the female intellect.
M: because we don't need visuals? or because we will wade through that much plot and crap to get to the sex scene?
W: a little of column A, a little of column B. it's not because you don't need visuals, just that female porno, if it truely could be defined as romance novels, is much more delicate and subtle and refined and well, books are just a smarter way of getting off.
M: you realize that I am never going to look at my place of work the same again, right?
W: yeah. Just look for that twinkle that means loneliness in the eyes of your customers.

Damn it.

oh. and i have to include this:

W: I saw two mormons today in suits on their bikes today, i wanted to slam on the gas, but then i thought, hmm, what would jesus do? so i ended up flipping them off.

R.I.P.

2005-03-06T19:40:00.001-07:00

I need a hug. My poor fish Hank died.

Things I Have Decided

2005-03-04T14:06:00.000-07:00

-It's really hard to have a bad day after seeing someone walk through campus in lederhosen. It's like when you see someone in a kilt, it just makes your afternoon.

-Had I listened to my Lab TA on the first day I would have known that 60% of your grade is based on you showing up, not what you learned. That means I could fail every test and still pass the lab portion of Biological Anthropology. brilliant. I think I should listen more....or now that I know that valuble bit of information, less.

-I need to find a way to get paid for sitting around in St. Mark's as it is now my second home. Last week I spent more time there than school and work combined, and that's just sad. Or impressive depending on how you look at it (thanks Amy for making me feel better about that)

-If your philosophy professor blows your mind 3 times in the first 15 minutes of class, you should go home. Your brain will not recover. Trust me.

-I probably shouldn't follow through with my lab partner's idea of bringing my computer to anthro lecture and start IM'ing the girl that sits in front of me about her shroom/Greeley adventure over the weekend. Chances are it will only end badly.

-And, I should probably catch up on some reading for school instead of spending so much time fucking around on the internet and with people in coffee shops. Though I have decided that this is a fantastic idea, I'd say the chances of me following through with it are very slim. Who wants to go get coffee?

TPS

2005-03-01T09:20:00.000-07:00

If you know whats good for you, you will click on the link and watch the dubbed superhero cartoons. I highly recommend T.P.S.

Who Needs Reality TV When You Have Reality?

2005-02-28T20:48:00.000-07:00

To anyone who ever dares to sit near me, no matter how absorbed I appear to be some task, chances are good I am actually watching and listening to you. That means when I am sitting in a coffee shop typing a paper and refering to the text in "Lolita" chances are good that I am actually listening to the two guys next to me. One telling "a short story" on how he "might be borderline schizophrenic" but doesn't want to talk about it. And when your friend finally changed tables to sit with the two of you, though my expression may not have changed, I did in fact hear him state that he had just masturbated in the bathroom. In fact that paper I was writing, yeah, it had nothing to do with "Lolita" it was a short story about you and anyone else who caught my attention.
Sitting in Anthro lecture, if you sit in front of me and decide to take advantage of the wireless internet, I will read over your shoulder. So, to the girl who sat in front of me today, you tripped 'shrooms and ended up in Greeley with your pinky nail painted black? Seriously? Thats awesome, maybe not for you but that coughing fit I had was just me trying not to laugh.
And the other fav that was heard this weekend by Kiyomi and I, "I realize that my brother is fat, and I feel that if his hygiene were better he could totally date fat chicks."
People provide endless entertainment.

The Ass-less Wonder and More!

2005-02-23T22:48:00.000-07:00

First off I want to thank all of you that offered and interpretation on the story I posted the other day. My partner and I feel the need to stand up in front of the class presenting all of your ideas. If you didn't offer up an analysis, what the hell man? Get on it! This thing isn't gonna write itself.
Moving right along
To finish off our poetry unit in creative writing we were honored by having a Slam Poet come in and talk/preform for us. Did you know that there is not only such a thing as a Haiku Battle, but that the audience throws out a word or phrase that the poet has to use while insulting their opponent? Our guest gave us an example of one where he lost. The phrase was "dead hooker" he didn't tell us what his haiku was but his opponent's was something along the lines of "what's that smell coming/ coming from the alley, dead hooker?/ No. It's your haiku." Why was I not informed of this earlier? I so want to go watch a Poetry Slam competition now, who wants to come with?
He also preformed a poem about "a little known disease" basically him not having an ass and how he and all the other ass-less people out there are going to rise up and steal celebrity asses. Oh and just a little FYI, he called dibs on J-Lo's.

Picking My Nose And Finding A Submarine

2005-02-19T18:48:00.000-07:00

By J. Marcus Weekley

I shake all the Navy men from the minute boat. They fall screaming into the bathtub where they drown. One survives, so I trap him on the raft of soap, with the rubber ducky to guard him. The sailor's name is Seymour-he likes to be called "Jones"-but his wife and thirteen kids don't know his secret name like I do. I sing him "Happy Birthday" because it's his twenty-first. I tell him he's really old, like Abraham Lincoln. He's sad because I don't have any candles and the ducky won't sing along and all his friends are gone. I tell him they actually survived by swimming to another island where they eat chocolate and peanut-butter cookies all day. He wants to know why there aren't any girls in this ocean, but I sink his raft and he drowns and now it is time to go to bed.

That's right. I get to write a paper on this story.

An Olympic Torch, For Your Ear!

2005-02-19T17:27:00.000-07:00

About two years ago my dad and brother got in to a debate over the existance of an invention known as an "Ear Candle." A large olympic torch like invention that you stick in your clogged ear and light the other end.
They made a bet about whether there was such a thing, they argued about it off and on over the last two years. And finally today they tracked one down. Now, instead of just admiting that he lost, my dad bought the ear candle AND tried it out, as you can see from the lovely photo.

this was one hell of a site to come home to let me tell you. But I would like to point out that they were mature about it. They had a full watering can sitting nearby, Dave didn't take the oppertunity to dump the whole thing on my dad.
My family is crazy.

A Cow Town No Longer?

2005-02-18T23:14:00.000-07:00

This week seems to be Denver's attempt at showing the world that it is just as big and hip and all that as say LA or New York.
Having the whole NBA all star game and all the hoopla that goes with it helps. Today I was at the mall buying a belt and hadn't really made the connection that everyone would go to the Cherry Creek mall during the All Star festivities, but they did. In fact the mall proved to be extremely entertaining. Everyone was travelling in a group (with the exception of myself and a little old lady who didn't get the memo) or entouage rather, even security. It was common to see groups of teenagers packed close around their cameras and cell phone discussing their plan of attack, "ok, so if they are tall and black, take their picture." (I wish I could say I made that up.) then later sprinting through the mall while their friends yelled directions to them from the upper lever or over their cell phone. At one point I saw a group start snapping photos of another group who they thought to be famous, only to overhear their models laughing at them a few minutes later for mistaking them for a celebrity. One sales woman told me with pride that Paris Hilton (oh god.) had been there just yesterday.
In the midst of all the special events and P. Diddy and Michel Jordon private parties there is the other side to the big city show. Crime. At the moment there is a serial rapist on the run. In the past week he has attacked 5 people. Tonight around 6pm he struck again a meer six blocks from my house. This prompted a huge manhunt in the area. For about 4 hours helicopters circled the area. I think this man wants to be caught. Because he is targeting victims in one area (around cheeseman park) and he is attacking so frequently 100 Denver Police officers have been assigned to find him. That is all they are doing, looking for him. And, because of the NBA thing, every police officer in Denver is on duty for the next week. On the bus downtown this morning I couldn't help but notice that there was a police officer on every single block. I don't even want to jay walk there are so many cops around. You would think that this would be a good time to maybe, you know, lay low. Not to mention, according to the local news, pictures of him were shown this morning on national talk shows and he will be on "America's Most Wanted" in case he leaves the state.
Well, the helicopters must have had to refuel, I notice that they are back and that every few minutes a cop car drives down my street. It's at times like these I can't help but think of good old Patrick and what he felt the penelty for rape should be, "castration." I hope they find this guy.

As Luck Would Have It

2005-02-17T15:07:00.000-07:00

On monday I opted to skip my philosophy class in order to study for my biological anthropology exam (ok ok. so I didn't study, but I was going to. scout's honor.) Only to find out on wensday that class was cancelled because the professor was sick. And despite not studying I got a B on my exam.
This morning I was talking to Kiyomi and looking at cool photographs online when I heard my bus go by. Not good. So I began to gather all my crap so I could catch the next bus. I got half way down the street and realized that my wallet, containing my student ID was at home. So I ran back to my house, missing the next bus. damn it! But the third bus was the charm. I made it to school, ran through campus into the art building only to see half my class walking toward me and a big note on the door saying that class was cancelled today. So the moral is, if you miss the first two buses to school, just give up and stay home. Its not worth the trip.

Casa Bonita and Dodgeball

2005-02-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

This past friday was my birthday. The friday before was Kiyomi's birthday. So the past two weekends have been more than our usual St. Mark's shenanigans.
Last week I picked her up in Greeley and we did another of our tours of denver. We tried once again to go to the top of the capital dome, and once again were unsuccessful. We hit one of those really crappy tourist shops and caused trouble in Barnes & Noble and the deserted Union Station. Saturday was St. Marks, we can't go a weekend without it. Sunday Drag Brunch at Bimp & Grind that came complete with an X rated show involving two Barbie dolls an mexican wrestler doll and special affects provided by a glass of milk.
This weekend it was fun at Casa Bonita, the tackiest restaurant in town, where we took loads of photos on those little rides you put a quarter in for little kids. They warned that weight on them should not exceed 70lbs. So naturally we had to challenge that by pilling three of us on to the Casa Bonita bus.

Soon after Kiyomi and I headed for St. Mark's and Rachel and Alex headed home (the usual weekend senario). But St. Mark's was different this time. Why? Because Kiyomi and I had bought children's grab bags at Casa Bonita. Let me just say, the boy's grab bags are way better than the girls. Kiyomi's was full of things like plastic make up and a creepy clown. Mine had a jumior tech kit that allowed you to build a car, a whole underwater Frogman figurine set and chocolate racecars. Both bags came with crappy postcards of colorado and a nice braclet, hers said "Brother" mine "Arizona" what? For the most part, people tried to ignore us. We started planning next years festivities, Casa Bonita again only with a pitcher of margaritas or Pina Coladas by the liter. Then we will move the 4ft. from St. Mark's to The Thin Man. Oh it'll be sweet.
Saturday I worked. it was lame. Then came home and put on my fabulous new dress before everyone came over for dinner. I must say Rachel, Kiyomi and I, we brought some class to this little shindig. After dinner and cake and all that fun stuff Kiyomi and I headed over to John's house. Where we watched Extreme Dodgeball! Let me tell you, it is exactly like the movie. So damn funny. The announcers say things like "He is the Elvis Costello of Dodgeball!" and "round 2 here comes the Big Ball. Hard to throw, hard to catch, easy to love." And there is a team named Bling, their captian has been growing his afro for 5 years. And the captian of the one team was Art Spigel, we really hope that it is the same Art Spigel that wrote the books Maus I & II. That would just make my day. Unfortunatly Dodgeball is not shown on ESPN 8 (the ocho) but some other crazy channel and as far as we could tell, did not feature cage dancers like in the movie, damn.
Anyway, thank you all for the great birthday. Now I have to go study for my biological anthropology test.
Also check out the photos from my camera by clicking on the title. I recommend the slideshow feature.

Happy Birthday to Me

2005-02-11T14:19:00.000-07:00

I think the traditional Happy Birthday song is crap. And since it is my birthday, I should get to listen to whatever I want. So If you guys want to learn the words to this and seranade me, I would be more than happy to sit by and cheer.

Cracker's "Happy Birthday to Me"

I was having a good sleep
in my car
In the, parking lot of the
Showboat Casino hotel

I say, "I remember you
you drive like a PTA mother"
You brought me draft beer
in a plastic cup

I'm feeling thankful
for the small things, today
I'm feeling thankful
for the small things, today

Happy, Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
and to you

Happy, Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
and to you-ah

I'm feeling thankful
for the small things, today
I'm feeling thankful
for the small things, today

I remember you
I crashed your wedding
With some, orange crepe paper
and some Halloween candy

A sometimes
I wish I were Catholic
I don't know why
I guess I'm happy to see your face
at a time like this

Happy, Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
and to you-ah

Happy, Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
and to you-ah

Happy Birthday baby, to me
Happy Birthday, to me
Happy Birthday, to me
Happy Birthday, to me